Somewhere, Bill Gates is crying — his psycho-subversive plot to control the world is finally… Somewhere, Bill Gates is crying — his psycho-subversive plot to control the world is finally being thwarted. No longer will we, the feeble-minded masses, spend our days toiling in technological slavery.

No, not when we have the other American staple: rehab.

According to the Associated Press, the first U.S. residential treatment center for Internet addiction has opened, making this a sad but unsurprising day for America.

In the advent of laptops, wireless Internet and smart phones, people are increasingly attached to technology. Last weekend, my father refused to go on a family kayaking trip for Labor Day for fear of getting his BlackBerry wet — naturally, he and the handheld life-sucker could not be separated.

Honestly, I can’t even write about this topic objectively, as I found this news article while browsing the Internet in an effort to procrastinate from school work, job work and other “real life” activities.

And yet, many people would not consider excessive time spent on the Internet as much of a problem as, say, an alcohol or gambling addiction.

However, it is this lack of stigma that allows unhealthy technology behavior to thrive. While alcoholism and compulsive gambling are certainly serious problems, they are somewhat curbed by the fear that society would turn its oh-so-cold shoulder against their perpetrators at any time.

But technology addictions are not only accepted — they are often supported. The Internet is quickly becoming a leading way to socialize with friends, debate topics in the news, research information and even date.

While beneficial to an extent, such addiction can be just as, if not more, detrimental. For example: We have Ben Alexander, the first patient to enroll in the 45-day program, which is named reSTART.

Alexander signed up for the center after he flunked out of college because he spent every minute of this day playing “World of Warcraft,” according to the Associated Press.

This behavior, unfortunately, is quickly becoming the norm. According to the Pew Internet & American Life Project, 53 percent of all American adults play some kind of video game — this includes virtually all of the teen demographic. 73 percent regularly use the Internet.

And yes, I know, such activities are not a problem to the average user. It becomes a greater problem when use is either excessive or when users turn to the Internet to escape personal problems or deal with negative feelings — a problem that has grown in the recent economy.

The Pew Internet & American Life Project reports that approximately 69 percent of Americans have used the Internet to cope with the recession.

The opening of the Internet rehab center is therefore an appropriate sign of the times, and yet it’s not accessible to most in price. The program costs $14,000 — a bill that pays for counseling and psychotherapy sessions.

In addition, patients are encouraged to go “cold turkey” off technology and instead spend their days doing household chores, working on the grounds, going on outings, exercising and baking, according to the Associated Press.

For such a prevalent problem, we must offer more and cheaper opportunities for those afflicted to Internet and other technology addictions.

$14,000 to do household chores and baking? I feel as though my family or friends could provide a similar service for free if they just chained me to a chair in some basement in South Oakland.

And I’m sure they could look up some great intervention tips online.

Put off doing homework and waste five minutes of your life by e-mailing Molly at [email protected] so that she can waste five more minutes of hers.