I don’t think there is any dispute that the Port Authority of Allegheny County could use some… I don’t think there is any dispute that the Port Authority of Allegheny County could use some mending — buses are rarely on time, not to mention often filled beyond capacity, and bus drivers are way too quick to deliver dirty looks over the whole pay-when-you-get-on-or-when-you-get-off, inbound-outbound thing.

Despite this, when I heard the Port Authority was planning a major overhaul of the current system, I was unnerved.

I cherish the Port Authority. As a license-less city-dweller (yes, it is humiliating), I don’t really have a choice. And like Wilbur befriending Templeton, so did I learn to love the Port Authority not by ignoring its faults, but because of them.

I love the way there is a 71A, 71C and 71D but no 71B. I love how the route name “500” — which probably should be the 71B — reminds me of a paycheck. I love the way the “voice” of the Port Authority mispronounces Bellefonte Street as Bellafonté. And I love that I’m pretty sure I once sat next to a member of some kind of mafia as he made threatening calls to some unknown cohort.

So the idea of changing the Port Authority on such an extreme level seemed perverse to me, like when old, rich men divorce their wives to upgrade to a younger, shinier model.

And yet — and can’t believe I’m saying this — when I read the official “Transit Development Plan,” I was pleasantly surprised and even excited about some of the upcoming changes, which won’t begin to be implemented until March 2010, according to the Port Authority website.

The proposed changes appear to keep college students in mind — particularly the Oakland area — and the general changes work to provide us faster and more reliable busing.

On Fifth Avenue, for example, the routes that link Oakland to Downtown — the 71A, 71C, 71D and 500 — will be reconfigured into something called “rapid busing.” According to the Port Authority website, this means “faster service with less frequent stops, off-vehicle fare payment and stations featuring special amenities, including real-time schedule updates.”

If this works, I will take back every nasty thing I’ve ever said about the 71A — e.g. “The 71A is a worthless piece of sh*t,” “Why is it every time I want a 500, a freaking 71A comes around the bend” and “The 71A looks like a squashed caterpillar.”

My biggest complaint about Fifth Avenue Port Authority service is the routes’ complete lack of regard for the schedule. Real-time schedule updates!? That’s like giving chocolate to a starving child.

Rapid Bus is also proposed for 61-series routes, which run on Forbes Avenue, and the 28X Airport Flyer, which would no longer stop through Robinson Town Centre — bye-bye IKEA.

My personal favorite change, however, is the extermination of the 59U route. This is the most overrated route of all Port Authority buses. It comes about once every five years, and it is never, never on time — seriously, is traffic in Homestead that hopping? And yet, year after year it gets named The Pitt News Best Of Port Authority. I know I shouldn’t get offended on behalf of wonderful, timely, reliable buses — like say, the 500 — but I do.

But for those delusional ones who somehow love the 59U, the Port Authority plans to replace this route with three others. This includes the new 75-Ellsworth, which will provide service between East Liberty and the Southside Works via Shadyside and Oakland, and the R3 McKeesport Rapid and R4 Homestead Rapid, which provide service between Oakland and Homestead.

There are also a few new routes. One worth noting is the proposed 93 Lawrenceville-Oakland, which will, for the first time, provide a direct link between Lawrenceville and Oakland. Though this route was no doubt created in the advent of the new Children’s Hospital location, it allows for the first time a convenient opportunity for students to live in Lawrenceville — a neighborhood with cheap housing — without needing a car or bike.

Despite this positive review of the proposal, I have my trepidations, the first of which is whether the Port Authority will even be able to pull it off — will the “rapid” busing actually be rapid? If my usual two-hour waits for the 59U are any indication, maybe not. Moreover, I’m not sure why the Port Authority felt compelled to rename all the routes — that’s right, every route. It took me long enough to learn it the first time causing many accidental trips into East Liberty, a place one doesn’t necessarily want to be stuck in after 10 p.m.

I guess I will have to reserve final judgment until these changes are in place, but in the end I will follow a motto I often apply to the Port Authority — I’ll take what I can get.

E-mail Molly your thoughts about the proposal at [email protected].