‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Australia:’ Call it the best movie of the year that doubles as a nearly three-hour-long… ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Australia:’ Call it the best movie of the year that doubles as a nearly three-hour-long tourism brochure. ‘ ‘ ‘ The beautifully shot sequences capturing the Australian landscape make it impossible to keep your jaw from dropping, but unfortunately, there are so many flaws in the film that any initial thoughts of booking your next vacation down under are quickly replaced by ones concerning Nicole Kidman’s acting ability. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘Australia,’ Baz Luhrmann’s magnum opus-cum-vanity project that has been many years and many millions of dollars in the making, strives to reach the acclaimed, epic level of ‘Titanic,’ but it results in being only marginally better than ‘Pearl Harbor.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ Coming from the director of ‘Moulin Rouge’ and ‘Romeo and Juliet,’ the film tries to incorporate every filmic idiosyncrasy for which Luhrmann is known. Disorienting and rapid narration in the first half-hour a la ‘Moulin Rouge’? Check. Thriving on anachronisms and visually heightened emotion in the vein of ‘Romeo and Juliet’? Got it! ‘ ‘ ‘ Unfortunately, it becomes clear that when it comes to making the most expensive movie in Australian history, shooting only on the continent and hiring only Australian-born actors, Luhrmann can’t have his Foster’s and drink it too. ‘ ‘ ‘ The plot of the film is sweepingly unfocused. Lady Sarah Ashley (Nicole Kidman) comes to Australia only to find she has inherited her recently murdered husband’s decrepit cattle farm. After that, there is something about a scheming rival cattle farmer who wants to take over her land, a rough-and-tumble cattle driver called Drover (Hugh Jackman) who falls in love with Lady Ashley, the trafficking of Aboriginal children and the World War II of Darwin. ‘ ‘ ‘ Confused yet? The film rambles on with increasingly contrived narrative segments, and about an hour and a half in, it ends. Or rather, it seems like it should end, but doesn’t. Throw in themes of racism, class structure and colonialism, and you can’t leave the theater anything less than exhausted. ‘ ‘ ‘ As for the acting, it’s obvious Kidman and Jackman seek to emulate Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh in their most efficient ‘Gone With the Wind’ imitation, and sometimes they succeed. Jackman, utilizing his background in musical theater, almost always elevates the typically hammy script to rouse emotion in the audience. His furry, well-defined chest is given ample screen time, and it is in these shots where the film’s true chick-flick colors show. ‘ ‘ ‘ Nicole Kidman does not fare so well. On one hand, she is beautiful in some unearthly way that makes women hate her and men be turned off by her, and yet she still commands the screen. On the other hand, this film marks yet another that proves she has not changed her facial expression since approximately 1999. ‘ ‘ ‘ The Aboriginal child Nullah is played by Brandon Walters, an actual Aboriginal child, and promoters and reviewers are touting the performance as some kind of acting revelation. To me, he comes across as irritating and hard to understand, which is especially a problem given he provides the voice-over narration. It’s an endearing directorial choice, but ultimately, it sinks the film even lower. ‘ ‘ ‘ It’s not all bad, though. Occasionally, the film is truly captivating, and many of the intended weepy scenes actually do pack an emotional punch. ‘ ‘ ‘ An almost flawless stampede action sequence immediately comes to mind, and toward the end of the film, a character’s sacrifice for a group of children was heartbreaking. ‘ ‘ ‘ There lies the biggest problem with ‘Australia.’ The film is horribly uneven in so many ways, especially pacing, that it makes the viewer sad to see a film that could have been incredible, but settles for being visually stunning yet emotionally shallow. ‘ ‘ ‘ The reliance on silent movie-esque heightened emotions and melodramatic storytelling mars the experience of the film but doesn’t completely ruin it. Many will surely adore the film, and it isn’t fair to say that these people are simple in their tastes. Rather, they are easily affected. ‘ ‘ ‘ By the end of the film, I wanted so badly to give into the superficial stimulation the film offers, but when the film threw out a ridiculous, laugh-inducing reference to the ‘Wizard of Oz,’ a motif used throughout the movie, I gave up and decided to sum up the film with another multi-repeated line. ‘ ‘ ‘ As the Drover says over and over again, ‘Oh, crikey!’