‘ ‘ ‘ A lot of people think that the things politicians say don’t mean much. It’s all rhetoric,… ‘ ‘ ‘ A lot of people think that the things politicians say don’t mean much. It’s all rhetoric, empty promises, bullshit, if you will. To those who agree, well, I don’t much like your tone, sassy lips. Some poor speechwriter probably agonized over those words for days, maybe even weeks. ‘ ‘ ‘ I’ll have you know that what some of you might call ‘rhetoric’ is actually carefully planned language that, when coupled with the right hand gesture, carries a very distinct, specific message ‘mdash; you just have to know the language. ‘ ‘ ‘ Therefore, for your knowledge and convenience, I have written a small, semi-comprehensive guide to the lingo of politicians, also known as ‘poli-talk.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ 1. ‘change’ n. ‘mdash; not Bush; v. to make unlike Bush. Used by politicians who wish to separate themselves from the current administration, or more specifically, by all politicians. ‘In America, we change things that need to be changed,’ said Sen. John McCain at the Republican National Convention. ‘ ‘ ‘ 2. ‘doesn’t get it’ v. ‘mdash; to have differing views; to offer alternative solutions. This phrase, a favorite among politicians and parents alike, is a simple way of saying someone does not have the same opinions and, therefore, does not know what he or she is talking about. ‘John McCain doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know what’s going on in your lives,’ said Sen. Barack Obama to NBC. ‘ ‘ ‘ 3. ‘thanks but no thanks’ n. ‘mdash; polite acceptance. If punctuated correctly, this phrase should actually read, ‘thanks, but no, thanks,’ and actually is much like saying, ‘No, I couldn’t possibly let you pay for dinner, well, OK.” The hesitating, ‘but no,’ is a sign of humility. ‘I told Congress thanks but no thanks to that Bridge to Nowhere,’ said Gov. Sarah Palin to her Ohioan supporters. ‘ ‘ ‘ 4. ‘a better future for our children and our grandchildren’ n. ‘mdash; distant success. This phrase is actually a warning: Don’t expect significant changes any time soon. It is most effective when the politician’s child or children is/are nearby, especially if the child or children is/are extremely cute. ‘We all want to move in the same direction, toward a better future for our children and our grandchildren,’ said Obama during his ‘A More Perfect Union’ speech.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ 5. ‘go at it’ v. ‘mdash; to shamelessly insult, defame, criticize. Sometimes accompanied by a shaking fist. ‘We’ll go at it over the next two months,’ said Sen. John McCain at the Republican National Convention. ‘ ‘ ‘ 6. ‘lipstick on a pig’ n. ‘mdash; a very offensive slur. Avoid use if you don’t want to be accused of being a sexist bigot. ‘You know you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig,’ said Obama of McCain’s policies. ‘ ‘ ‘ 7. ‘experience’ n. ‘mdash; at least one day in public office. This trait is highly prized in the political world and is thus a great compliment. ‘[Palin] has executive experience and a real record of accomplishment,’ said McCain of his running mate. ‘ ‘ ‘ 8. ‘America’ n. ‘mdash; the greatest place in the world. Politicians use this word as much as possible, and it is often used to imply a bi-partisan voting base. Frequent use of this word is a great way to lure in independents. ‘There’s not a liberal America and a conservative America ‘mdash; there’s the United States of America,’ said Obama. ‘ ‘ ‘ 9. ‘Washington’ n. ‘mdash; a place of evil and corruption; adj. describing those associated with Washington; corrupt; evil. This word achieves a greater effect when spoken in a low hiss. Politicians seek to avoid association with this term at all cost. ‘And let me offer an advance warning to the old, big spending, do nothing, me first, country second Washington crowd: Change is coming,’ warned McCain. ‘ ‘ ‘ 10. ‘small towns in Pennsylvania’ n. ‘mdash; a magnet for bitter, gun-loving folk. One step above Washington. ‘You got into these small towns in Pennsylvania, and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them ‘hellip; And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them ‘hellip;,’ said Obama. ‘ ‘ ‘ 11. ‘very, very healthy’ adj. ‘mdash; endangered. ‘We are suing the federal government recognizing that the Endangered Species Act is not a place to kinda mess around with in terms of listing a species, [polar bears], that right now is very, very healthy,’ said Palin. ‘ ‘ ‘ 12. ‘Molly’ n. ‘mdash; the greatest person you will ever know. ‘I send Molly complimentary e-mails at [email protected].’