Glittersweet Symphony

If you want to mess up someone’s day, Australian-based company Ship Your Enemies Glitter has the most sparkly weapon you’ve ever sheen. The company claims that, for $9.99 in Aussie dollars, it will ship your archnemesis an uncomfortable amount of glitter, along with a crude note. Unfortunately, due to demand, the company is out of stock, so it will be a few weeks before you can send shimmers down your rival’s spine.

No Wrinkles, Just Tinkles

Manners are rather important, as illustrated by one Vermont man last month. Wearing all black to remain inconspicuous, the mystery man entered Waterbury Laundry & Dry — but not to do laundry. Video footage documented the man walking up to a washing machine, pulling a chair up to it, looking both ways, unzipping his pants and urinating. .Luckily, though, he made sure to put the lid back down, and it seems he opted for the “yellows only” spin cycle. Still, the workers weren’t impressed with his manners. In fact, they were pretty pee-ved.

Saved by the Camp-bell

In Eastern Alabama, one middle school principal has quite the can-do attitude when approaching the topic of defending the school against intruders. Priscella Holly, the principal, sent home a letter to parents last week, asking their children to bring in an eight ounce canned item. Why? To throw at criminals, of course! While this may seem a bit ludicrous, there is merit in preparation. The Pitt News canned think of a better plan to protect students.

Jurassic Yard

There’s no bones about it: two men in Michigan are getting tons of publicity for their recent discovery — in fact, five tons of it. Last November, Daniel LaPoint Jr., a contractor, was digging in homeowner Eric Witzke’s backyard when he noticed a rather prime rib sticking out of the ground. The two worked together to unearth 42 pieces of a mastodon — the cousin of the woolly mammoth. The ancient cousin of the elephant is estimated to be between 10,000 and 14,000 years old. The pair will donate the bones to the University of Michigan Museum of Paleontology, making what is, no doubt, a massive contribution.

A Sticky Situation

Last week, a 9-year-old Idaho resident got himself into a crummy — and gummy — situation. The minor has an arrest warrant out against him for stealing a pack of gum. Scott Haug, police chief, commented that in the last 30 years of his law enforcement career, he had never witnessed someone so young have an arrest warrant out. Currently, the child is in chew-venile detention.