Until the 2006 FIFA World Cup, I’ve had a comical history with cautions in the game of… Until the 2006 FIFA World Cup, I’ve had a comical history with cautions in the game of soccer.

I’ve been given cards for doing some pretty boneheaded things in my 15 years of playing and five years of officiating. Most of them I’ve found funny, especially the time the referee tried to give me a red for an “intentional handball” and he pulled out an orange card instead.

There was the one where I wanted to waste time to preserve a lead and blasting the ball down the field seemed like the right idea. I’d do it again; we won that game.

On the other side, I’ve given out what could be considered a few bogus cards myself while refereeing several matches. Why, I’ve even given a red card to a 9 year old for a sequence that I will not soon forget.

At the culmination of an intense 8-0 under-9 tournament game, the coach of said 9 year old approached me with a concerned look on his face. As I felt around my pocket for some form of defense, he came over and began to inquire.

“Excuse me, sir. Why did my son get carded and sent off earlier in the game?” he asked.

Oh great, his son. Good thing I was wearing cleats for this encounter.

“Well, coach, did you see what he did to No. 9 over there?” I asked nervously.

“No, I was off to the side with one of my injured players,” he said.

“So you probably didn’t hear what he said to me afterwards, did you?” I said with much more confidence in my voice.

“No, what happened?”

So I called the culprit over and put my arm around him. He didn’t care, he was 9. My dismissing him from the game may as well have happened in another life by his recollection.

“Son, do you know why I gave you a red card?”

He was beaming, excited to tell his father. “Yes! I dragged that kid down by his shirt over there!”

“OK. Then what did you say to me when I gave you a yellow card,” I asked.

He became so very excited.

“I called the call a piece of…”

Bam. Like a slide tackle from behind, his father came swooping in and shut his mouth. “OK, OK,” he said in a defeatist state. “Sorry about that.”

Kids say the darndest things.

What was important to me was the existence of justification for each and every card I pulled out of my pocket. I’m not so sure we can say the same for many of the record-breaking 322 cards — including record numbers of yellows (298) and reds (24) — given through the first 54 matches of this World Cup, and these cautions are a lot more meaningful than any I’ve been involved in.

Many officials like to give a card early on to establish control. That might work with a bunch of 14 year olds who are more scared of shaving than getting sent off by the big, bad referee. But I doubt this is an accurate strategy to play in the world’s biggest tournament that men have been killed over and comes but only every four years. You have to let them play, especially when you take into context the idea of countries that hate each other having the opportunity to duke it out without nukes.

The cautions have been out of control from the onset and have been ruining games. Players that rack up more than one yellow must sit out the next game, which is fine if you consider the idea of cards being distributed at a normal pace. These officials have been seeing phantom fouls and handing out cards like they are going out of style, which has only had a snowball effect, opening the floodgates for a sea of cautions and ejections.

Just when we thought things couldn’t get more out of hand than the U.S.A.-Italy game, where things went beyond physical to borderline ridiculous, along comes the Round of 16 match with Portugal and the Netherlands, a heated contest in which 20 cards, including a record-setting four red cards, grabbed the headlines.

“Probably, from the point of view of rudeness, it was the worst match I ever had,” 45-year-old Valentin Ivanov, the match’s referee, was quoted as saying by Russian daily Izvestia.

His losing control of this critical game has been the biggest of several problems that referees have had this cup. Ivanov has been heavily criticized by players, coaches and even FIFA President Sepp Blatter, who even suggested that the referee could have given one more yellow card.

“I consider that the referee was not at the same level as the players. There could have been a yellow card for the referee,” Blatter told Portuguese television.

I think if he had any left to give, he would have.

It’s just a shame to wait so long for this event only to see a caution pulled every five minutes. These are supposed to be the best officials in the world and they are cautioning players for bringing the physical nature to the game that compliments its well-known finesse aspect so well. The players can suck up the incredible play, why can’t the officials?

One of my favorite things about soccer has been continuity and flow of each match. Play isn’t supposed to stop every four minutes so that the referee can play dealer. There should never be this many cards distributed in a single tournament, it’s almost, well, comical to think that all of these cards were deserved.

I guess there is some humor in this after all.

Geoff Dutelle is a senior staff writer for The Pitt News. E-mail him your favorite cautionable offenses at [email protected].