Jennifer says it might not be OK to “hug it out” …
April 3, 2006
I hug my mom and dad. I hug my sisters and my boyfriend. I don’t hug people I barely know or… I hug my mom and dad. I hug my sisters and my boyfriend. I don’t hug people I barely know or those who are creepy.
Apparently, other people don’t live by these rules. For example, I was walking down the street one day when I ran into someone I haven’t seen in almost a year. I wasn’t that close to him to begin with, but we occasionally saw each other while I was growing up.
We exchanged pleasantries about our families and our lives. When the conversation was ending, I went to walk away — but he started to come in for a hug. I was shocked for about a millisecond, but I had to react.
I did the all-too-common hug with the head tilted to the side to avoid contact and then gave him two pats on the back.
As I was walking away from the “incident,” I realized that this happens to me a lot. I find myself in these weird situations where people either want a hug, kiss or handshake and I totally freeze.
I guess we’ve all experienced it on some level. After running into an acquaintance or someone you’ve met a few times, you don’t know what to do.
Initially, there’s that awkward little stare when both of you are trying to figure out if the other sees you and will acknowledge it. That’s confusing enough, but it gets stranger.
There are two strategies I have: Immediately turn my head and avoid any eye contact — unless it’s forced — or I walk up to the person and initiate a short, uncomfortable conversation.
With the first option, there’s always the risk of seeming rude. If the person happens to catch your looking and then instantly turning away, she might be offended. Feelings can get hurt and it can get ugly. People can always seem to tell when others are trying to avoid eye contact.
Alternatively, just suck it up and talk to the person. Unfortunately there are so many social constrictions that it’s hard to tell whether to give him a kiss, hug, handshake or nothing at all. How do you know which path to take? Do you act at the beginning of the greeting or at the end of the conversation?
Luckily for you, I’m here to help you out. The first thing we’ll tackle is “the kiss.” It’s not something I do with someone that I’ve only known for a short amount of time.
I feel that a kiss is a little too personal. I usually only kiss my family, on the cheek, and significant others. There are times when others hand out kisses like they’re Hershey’s. I don’t like to be kissed by almost-strangers, and I give the same consideration to them.
The next choice is “the hug.” There are many variations on hugs, but here are three main categories.
There’s the tight hug, usually reserved for that special someone. The situation here doesn’t really need to be explained. It’s a hug for someone that you want to be close to.
Next, there’s the three-second hug: brief contact and then a move back. This is for friends you haven’t seen in a while but whom it’s nice to catch up with. The contact is minimal but the sentiment is still present.
Lastly there’s the aforementioned ass-out hug, where you try to avoid as much contact as possible while remaining compliant to the hug with a few taps on the back. This is for those awkward social situations when I don’t really know the person but he wants to give me a hug anyway. Why do these people hug you? It’s kind of like the question that comedian Dane Cook always asks: “Why do people with bad breath always want to tell you secrets?” There is no answer!
The handshake could be applied here, but it’s really only for those that you’re meeting for the first time. When I’m introduced to someone, I like to play a little game called “who will do it first?” I usually wait for the person to stick out his or her hand before I even think about putting my hand out there.
Then there are those times when no choice is right and you are forced to go with the “none of the above” option. In those rare instances when I don’t feel comfortable about putting my lips, body or hand out there for anyone to kiss, grope or shake, then I don’t do anything. I wouldn’t ignore someone standing there with their arms wide open waiting for a hug — I make sure my body language is clear from the get-go. I just cross my arms and hope for the best.
There’s nothing more awkward than a social situation in which you don’t know what to do — then again, you can always choose to stay inside the house and avoid human interaction completely.
Jennifer does not recommend becoming a hermit, but if you do, e-mail her at [email protected], because she knows you’re bored and have the time.