Dear Sex N’at:

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two and a half years, and I am… Dear Sex N’at:

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two and a half years, and I am noticing that he is not as excited about sex as he used to be. I am still all about giving and getting, but now he is more about getting than giving. I noticed that he hasn’t been going down on me as much as he used to, and I don’t know how to tell him that is what I like best – better than sex. I love going down on him and think it should be an equal relationship. Please help me tell him where it’s at.

– Missing the 69

Dear Missing:

Is the lad in question aware of your preferences? The best way to get him to go below the border more is to simply let him know you love it and are missing it. The direct route, while lacking in intrigue, is the most reliable way to communicate your desires.

If you can’t stand the thought of looking your beloved in the eye and saying, “My dear, I would be so gratified if you’d increase the frequency with which you perform cunnilingus on me,” there are indirect ways. Wax poetic on his technique. Tell him his tongue dancing the fandango on your man in the boat sends you into the throes of ecstasy. Lay it on thick, ya know? Most men say they love giving almost as much as receiving, but they have a lot of anxiety about their performance.

Did you know (and does he know) that a clitoral orgasm causes the vulva to become engorged with blood, sort of like when his penis gets hard? When this happens, you’ll have a tighter grip on his penis if you proceed directly to intercourse after the munching of the rug. He might be interested in this little gem of science. Most men are interested in anything that leads to a tighter grip on the ol’ wang.

If science, direct reasoning or ego boosting don’t work or don’t appeal to you, there are even more subversive ways. You say you are missing the 69. Why not, the next time you go down on him, rearrange yourself into a 69 position so that his face is directly next to your pleasure garden? He’ll probably get the idea.

If you really feel that he’s being callous to your needs, try this: Explain to him that the nature of intercourse means that he gets to have an orgasm every time you make love, but you only get to have them when he decides to give you one or you take matters into your own hands, and that’s just not fair. If he really doesn’t want to hear it, you might consider getting yourself a boyfriend who is conscious of your needs.

Dear Sex N’at Readers:

‘Tis the last Sex N’at of the semester. Everyone is going to be doing something a bit different over the break. Some will be working. Some will be fighting with siblings and reacquainting themselves with the notion of curfew. Some will be staying in Oakland, appreciating it in its un-crowded and slightly surreal beauty, abundance of parking and empty barstools. One thing is for certain, though.

There will be sex.

Will you hook up with your high school ex? Will you try to sneak some nooky in Mom and Dad’s house? Will you get caught with a bunch of porn?

Will you tell me about it?

Please?

I’m calling for each and every one of you to send me some wild stories of holiday sexcapades. I’ll print the best, and use them all for my personal and salacious gratification. I’m all a-quiver just thinking of what you’ll send me.

Melissa Meinzer has been getting an awful lot of porn IMs lately. E-mail her at [email protected].