Dear Sex N’at:

I’ve been having casual sex with a female friend of mine, and realized… Dear Sex N’at:

I’ve been having casual sex with a female friend of mine, and realized this would be the perfect opportunity to attempt the menage. At first mention, she shot down the idea flat out, but recently she gave her approval of another female friend of mine. The friend is my roommate’s ex, and she’s not too experimental. Both these issues complicate the matter. Should I continue pursuing the roommate’s ex or try to get my girl to approve a different third component? I would appreciate your advice, and I refuse to let the dream die.

Seeking Sandwich

Dear Seeking:

By “the menage,” I’m going to charitably assume you refer to the Holy Grail of casual sexual conquest known as the menage a trois, or, in common parlance, a threesome.

A casual sex partner you refer to as a friend is, truly, a great bet for this rare and unusual sexual confection. Her initial hesitancy is a bit disquieting, but she did later – I assume without your prompting – bring it up, and even suggested a likely third wheel.

What is troubling, though, is that your friend knows the girl she suggested and is probably familiar with her low freak-factor. So it’s possible that she suggested someone she knew would say no to get you off her back without having to continue to flatly refuse you.

And then there is the ex factor. How good a pal is your roommate? Or, more practically, how long of a lease have you two signed on to? Because, ex or no, he’s not going to be thrilled with the idea of you boning the girl in question.

I don’t think your friend is really up for a threesome. I understand your refusal to let the dream die, though – a well-orchestrated threesome is an unforgettable event. Alas, though, a threesome gone horribly wrong is also unforgettable.

Give up on your roommate’s ex. If you can get your friend-plus to agree to another lady – without you wheedling or nagging – then go for it. She is probably your best candidate for one of the pieces of bread in your sought-after sandwich.

Dear Sex N’at:

I love oral sex. It’s most definitely one of my favorite things in the entire world. I really don’t have any problem going down on any girl that I’m dating, and get almost as much enjoyment out of pleasuring a girl as they do from being on the receiving end. However, I very rarely am reciprocated. Most of the girls I’ve been with have no problem when I go down on them, but shirk away at even the thought of doing the same to me. It hasn’t really affected my love of oral sex, but still, it would be nice to get something in return every once in a while. Any thoughts? What really is most girls’ problem with blowjobs?

While I’m asking… I’m always looking to improve. Most of the girls I’ve been with have said that the clitoral orgasms they get from oral sex are much better than the vaginal orgasms they get from normal sex. Do you have any tips on improving their experience from good ole regular sex?

In Need of Some Head

Dear NOSH:

Oral sex is – and should be considered by more people – an art form. It’s discouraging how few people take pride in their technique. It seems that you do, so you are steps ahead of most folks. Way to go.

You say you’ll go down on any girl you are dating. If you are truly dating them, it shouldn’t be a problem to discuss it – not in the bedroom. Bring it up when you are removed from the emotions and brain-chemical insanity that sex brings with it.

Tell her you enjoy giving her oral pleasure. Ask how your technique is. Showing concern for her needs will put her in a great mindset to discuss yours.

After you’ve asked her – and truly listened to her answers – ask how she feels about giving you oral pleasure. Don’t say “reciprocating” – it sounds too much like she owes you, and that’s not the way to get any.

You’ll likely find out what’s wrong. Maybe she’s afraid she’s no good at it. Tell her you’d be glad to have a tutorial. Maybe she’s afraid she’ll gag. Tell her she can set the pace and the depth. Find out her concerns and address them. Be gentle. Bend over backwards for her.

To improve clitoral stimulating during “good ole regular sex,” you can touch her or have her touch herself. Try getting behind her for easy access. If you’re on top, shift a bit up so that your pubic bone grinds against her clitoris. Or give her oral sex, and as soon as she climaxes, begin intercourse – preferably while she’s still in the throes of the ecstasy you’ve provided.

Melissa Meinzer was asked to autograph a penis this weekend. Do you think she did it? Send her a question at [email protected].