Dear Sex N’at:

So, the general idea I’m getting from your column is that we’re supposed to… Dear Sex N’at:

So, the general idea I’m getting from your column is that we’re supposed to be having sex in college. Myself, I am an engineer.

Have you been around this building? There aren’t any girls at all – only those on our raunchy desktops. How are we supposed to be meeting these girls when the only sexually active partner in my life is Rosy Palm and her five sisters?

It’s not like I can get out of this place; I’m always busy. I’m no social butterfly by far, not to mention that any social opportunity that presents itself does not allow me to communicate with women about anything other than academic issues.

The bottom-line question is this: Where do I go to meet these women, and when I get there, surely all by myself, how do I initiate conversation without giving the geek impression that engineers in my area of study always achieve?

If you’re good at this, surely you will have some good advice, rather than, “Well, you just need to get out more.”

-Horny in Benedum

Dear HIB:

Well, you just need to get out more.

Sorry, you walked right into that one.

A few things trouble me about your question. First, you say that “the general idea” you’re getting is that you are “supposed to be having sex in college.” Do you want to get laid, or do you want to do what you think you are “supposed” to do? There’s no gen-ed requirement for hookups, so if you aren’t getting any and the only thing wrong with that is what a snotty columnist seems to imply, you don’t really have a problem, do you?

And guess what else? Your peers, for the most part, are probably having far less sex than you might assume – don’t think Rosy Palm and her five sisters aren’t getting action all day every day, from the booty-shakinest fraternity house to the All-Headgear-and-Body-Odor Floor of Tower C.

Then you say the only women in Benedum are those on your raunchy desktops, and you ask how you are supposed to be meeting “these girls.” Are you trying to meet your desktop goddess? I’m guessing that’s impossible, unless you have shots of random Oakland chicks – I can’t tell you how to meet Milla Jovovich, but if anyone can, e-mail me posthaste.

This brings me to another thorn in your question. I sincerely doubt there are “no women” in Benedum. I can buy that most of them don’t look like Milla – most women don’t – but they do exist. You may be overlooking perfectly nice girls because they are, well, geeks.

Don’t underestimate those “geeky” chicks you deal with on an academic level. They probably have the same concerns as you, but, alas, David Beckham doesn’t hang out at Benedum either. Just because a girl is brilliant and more concerned with tangents than tan lines, don’t think she can’t be a total freak in the sack. Some of the most sexually adventurous women I’ve known have had bad hair and lame sweatpants. Don’t write a woman off because she might be – gasp – smarter than you.

I know engineers are busy beavers, but you do leave Benedum occasionally. Trust me, you do, even if it doesn’t involve wild nights of doing lines off strippers’ asses. Do you go to the grocery store? How ’bout the Laundromat? All that nerditude must work up an appetite, not to mention a sweat. You just need to be more receptive and more open in your day-to-day life, in B-land and out. Think of yourself as a sexy beast, on the prowl at all times.

You are hung up on the “geeky impression” you think you radiate. To paraphrase one of the most brilliant philosophers of our time, Tyler Durden, you are not your major. Sure, most of the time you are HIB, Engineering Student, but you don’t have to be. You have other attributes besides dorkism. If you think engineers are all nerds, leave your engineer hat at home or in Benedum whenever you aren’t studying. When you go out, be HIB, Sex Machine. Or HIB, Sensitive Emo-Hottie. Or HIB, Dashing and Mysterious Guy. Get the idea?

Here’s another thought. You are who you are, and I’m thinking that’s an intelligent, studious guy who is maybe a little on the shy and nerdy side. There are women – and I’m looking at you, mirror – who love a dweeby guy who can give them a run for their conversational money.

Women are out there. They want to meet, get to know, and have sexy sex with guys like you. Just keep your eyes open. Good luck.

Melissa Meinzer, not a medical or psychological professional, wishes she’d had more questions to answer this week. Don’t be shy – send her one at [email protected].