Five reasons to vote for Hillary in 2016


By Eli Talbert / Columnist

You’ve seen her on the news for her email scandal, listened to her Benghazi testimony and appreciated the colorful spread of Internet memes dedicated in her honor. Yet there is still some debate on why Hillary Clinton should win next year’s popularity contest — the 2016 Presidential Election. 

Below are five reasons why we should support a second President Clinton:

1) She has waited her turn. 

In 2008, Clinton was the frontrunner, but a certain senator from Illinois beat her out for the Democratic nomination and then swept the general election. Now, it’s Clinton’s time to shine. You might wonder why Clinton deserves to be president just because she’s next in line. After all, waiting for the presidency isn’t the same thing as waiting for swings on the playground. 

However, think of all the disasters mistiming presidencies can cause. For instance, if the president tried to reset our relationship with Russia at the wrong time, then Russia might feel entitled to invade a nearby country. Luckily, last March Clinton likened Vladimir Putin’s aggression in Ukraine to Adolf Hitler. With comments like these, we can rest assured that Clinton’s timing is superb. 

Thankfully, Clinton has proven throughout the years that politically, she has the patience to take the correct position at the correct time. She has had the foresight to take the right position on gay marriage, which she recently decided was a constitutional right after opposing it in 2008. She’s also had the sense to time her vote for the Iraq War — which she has now labeled a mistake despite refusing to disown her stance in 2007. As president, I have confidence that she will continue to have the patience to take the right position at the right time.  

2) She has gone the distance. 

Clinton visited a record-setting 112 countries as Secretary of State.  However, simply traveling a great deal isn’t really an accomplishment — the real accomplishment lies in Clinton’s ability to overcome obstacles in becoming president. If Clinton can overcome overseeing a failed healthcare initiative, losing the Democratic nomination to a one-term Senator and a failed reset with Russia to run for president again, just think of all the failures she could overcome as president.

3) She is a meme. 

Quite simply, if you are a meme you are automatically cool. Clinton may have been a Washington insider for more than 20 years, but the meme depicting her texting on her Blackberry proves that she has what it takes to be a modern president. Why? Because President Obama is a “celebrity president” with his face plastered on memes, who also uses technology. To follow in the footsteps of the man who once beat her out for the Democratic Primary, Clinton must utilize her meme status and tech-savvy in the upmost way. After all, voters care more about who looks cool, trendy and techy than who has a better political platform.

But to be cool, you have to be relatable — and Clinton’s meme status does just that. Clinton is worth upwards of $5 million and is married to a former President that can make $500,000 in around three hours. But, since her image can appear next to the likes of Internet sensations like Grumpy Cat, she can truly understand the concerns of middle-class Americans, despite her economic privilege. If you have a meme, you’re one of us.      

4) She will respect your privacy. 

Recently, the government has given Clinton flack for using a private email server during her time as Secretary of State. While admittedly, this misuse of government emails isn’t great for transparency, it does show that she has a concern for her technological privacy — similar to regular citizens. Just think, if Secretary Clinton had these concerns about technology, President Clinton will have just as much sympathy for regular citizens whose emails aren’t supposed to be public record.   

5) Her campaign symbol is cool. 

The Clinton campaign symbol is an H crossed with a red arrow. Some have criticized it as a rip off of the WikiLeaks logo or have complained that it sends the message that Clinton is going to shift to the right.  However, I feel that its blocky ‘90s feel is perfectly suited to represent Clinton’s stability as a left-winger. 

The ‘90s feel reminds us that we were first graced with Clinton’s political opinions over 20 years ago, when her husband was President. The illustrated reference to the 1990s cannot be pure coincidence — it’s a hidden symbol to subconsciously remind liberal voters that she’s on their side, while still giving conservatives hope that she’s on their team. Moreover, Clinton should be president simply for the design genius of her campaign staff.

Eli Talbert writes a biweekly satirical column for The Pitt News.

Write to Eli at [email protected].