Satire | November Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • November 8, 2019

The stars have excitement in store for everyone this November.

Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • September 11, 2019

Here are some tips, directly from the stars, to help you optimize your LinkedIn experience.

Satire | Back to school horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • August 29, 2019

Look to the stars for some answers, because Kevin in the second-to-last row of your biology lecture sure isn’t going to provide any insight.

Satire | Residence Hall Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • June 29, 2019

Just like you, each of Pitt’s residence halls has its own distinct character.

Opinion | June Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • June 18, 2019

Summer is upon us. The weather becomes hot. The air becomes sticky. The Geminis finally crawl back into the wretched pits from whence we came. There is a sense of calm. Check your horoscope to see what else the stars have in store for you this Cancer season.

Opinion | Drunk horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • April 10, 2019

It’s easy to have a hard time figuring out the right drink for you. Why not bring the stars to the bars? It’s time to let your sign determine your drink order.

Opinion | Serious March horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • March 21, 2019

Just some rigorous and serious March horoscopes. These are arguably the most accurate March horoscopes that can be found today.

Opinion | Scientifically tested horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • February 22, 2019

These horoscopes have been scientifically tested - rigorously, too.

Opinion | Accurate, peer-reviewed horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Staff Columnist • January 17, 2019

Do you use Apple Music? Do you enjoy it? Do you like to pop, and lock, and jam, and break? Reconsider this stance, Aquarius.