With the media abuzz with news of primaries, caucuses and the presidency, it’s hard to escape… With the media abuzz with news of primaries, caucuses and the presidency, it’s hard to escape political talk. Maybe this isn’t a problem if you keep up with politics, but a lot of us just don’t do that — especially since we won’t have The New York Times or USA Today back on campus until March. So it’s inevitable that, at some point soon, those of us with poor political knowledge will enter into a conversation and not know how to react.

To ready my readers for this scenario, I’ve compiled a few options after which you can model your own pseudo-political interactions.

Option 1: Run away.

This is the easiest strategy. If someone engages you in a conversation about politics, just turn and run. Get out of there like someone just shouted “Cops!” at a party. Maybe you could provide an excuse before you leave like, “Oh, I’m late for class,” but this isn’t necessary. You can make excuses later. Just run. This option is foolproof.

Option 2: Create a distraction.

Much like the first option, this requires no actual knowledge of politics. As soon as you hear someone say “Newt Gingrich” or “Mitt Romney,” quickly create a distraction that will force your conversation partner to lose interest in this abhorrent subject.

If you’re walking together, try tripping them. Other possible ideas include pointing out a cute boy or girl, succumbing to an unstoppable coughing fit or punching a stranger. You could also take a cue from Kat Stratford in “10 Things I Hate About You” and lift up your shirt. Works every time.

Before you know it, you’ll be far away from the topic of politics and safely in the realm of explaining your erratic behavior.

Option 3: Drop key phrases and facts.

This strategy could backfire if you’re pressed for more information, but it’s a risk you’ll have to take. You could always start along these lines and change track midconversation if it gets too intense.

For this method, you need to memorize a couple phrases or facts. If someone asks about your political views, feed her the classic, “I’m fiscally moderate but socially liberal.” If someone wants to talk to you about the primaries, mention that really awful Rick Perry video that everyone saw. If someone mentions the presidency, complain about how the popular vote doesn’t really mean anything. Then you can segue into how Bush was a total lame-o. Just steer clear of specifics.

For a general save-all, become really familiar with just one politics-related area. For example, pick one — preferably obscure — bill to follow and talk about it whenever politics comes up. A friend of mine knows a lot about the ban on horse slaughter but little else.

You could also obsess over the life of a particular president. Try James Buchanan. He’s the only president from Pennsylvania and the only one to remain a lifelong bachelor. He’s also considered one of the worst presidents, so there shouldn’t be too much to talk about in terms of actual politics.

Option 4: Change the

subject.

As with any uncomfortable conversation, you can always save yourself by abruptly changing the subject. To make the change a little subtler, try relating it in some way to a vaguely political subject.

For example, change the topic to a “Colbert Report” clip you saw recently (which wasn’t actually about politics). If someone asks you, “What did you think about Romney’s remarks in Florida?” You can respond, “Speaking of that, did you see that interview with Maurice Sendak on ‘The Colbert Report’? He’s hilarious.”

This is ideal because you’ll effectively change the subject, and the person will assume you watched the whole episode and are therefore in the know about all things political. It’s a win-win situation. This also works with segments from “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.”

Another great subject changer is cute animals. Start talking about that video of otters holding hands or about the clip of Kristen Bell on “Ellen” where her heart melts into a puddle over sloths. Better yet, if you have a smartphone, whip it out and show the clip. Subject changed.

Option 5: Learn about

politics.

Another option is actually to learn about politics. This might seem daunting, but you can do it. All you need to do is watch one full episode of both “The Colbert Report” and “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” per week. Equipped with this expertise, you’ll be able to speak with authority on anything in the political realm. So if you’re up to this intellectual commitment, go forth, my big-brained friend.

With these options, I hope you can successfully navigate these trying times before the next presidential election, when the country will collectively forget about politics for another four years. Good luck, fellow politicophobes.

For moral support, contact Sarah at [email protected]