When I think about the stirrings of love that our grandparents experienced, I think of movies like “Grease” or “West Side Story.” Specifically, I think of the large high school dances where students dance with their partners freely and joyfully. Maybe you plucked up the courage to ask your classroom crush to dance and you both have the night of your lives — perhaps even share a soft kiss on the dance floor. Or maybe you got rejected and turned to another potential dance partner entirely. The idea was, you had to make this connection and take this chance in the raw moment. Go find any homecoming or prom dance in a high school today, and you will be shocked to see how much has changed.
Technology has made people lazy when trying to pursue a love interest. I hear people complain that “You can’t find anybody in person anymore,” so they resort to dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble etc. But imagine if dating apps did not exist in today’s world. People would have to meet each other in person, through friends, family, work or other means. I am not saying that relationships no longer start this way — they most certainly do — but so many people fall back on dating apps to find their sweetheart when they could just look outside of their phone for love.
Dating apps allow you to gloss over your fear of judgment. There’s no pressure when you are messaging a stranger on an app. If you mess it up, it doesn’t matter, right? You are never going to see them anyway. Why would you waste your time getting to know someone in person when you can be efficient and get all the basic facts about your love interest through a dating app?
I get it. I do. I need to take some of my own advice and find a cutie out in the real world and ask them out. I admit that I am scared, too.
Finding your soulmate out and about in society is what we see in lots of movies. People meet through genuine experiences, like Dr. Sean Maguire, played by Robin Williams, in “Good Will Hunting.” He “had to go see about a girl,” and missed Game Six of the 1975 World Series. I am unaware of any movies about lovers who find each other on a dating app that leaves me, as a viewer, feeling giddy. It just does not feel genuine to me.
Though technology has a lot of advantages in a relationship, such as staying connected when you’re long distance, there are some other ways people can make meaningful efforts. I hold a lot of value to meaningful acts of love that are not related to technology. Practically anything but posting a picture of your girl on your Instagram story for National Girlfriends Day works.
Now, my love language is quality time, but I am a huge fan of love letters, poems, flowers, little treats and heartfelt voicemails. I do not see these types of gifts as often. But to me, it means so much more than an “I love you” text.
Before smartphones, young lovers would have to ask someone for their house phone number. And once a kid was ready to take the leap, after some anticipatory ringing, a mother would answer the home phone, and they’d have to leave a message. That takes some real, genuine courage and implies that this person is serious about wanting to start a relationship.
This Valentine’s Day, I am single. We do not need to center this day entirely around couples. There is value in all types of love. I might send my parents handwritten letters or buy my roommates some of their favorite candy. Just something small that lets them know that I care for them and appreciate what they do for me. I might go by Trader Joe’s and build myself a little bouquet. I know flowers are just things that sit and do nothing, but they are pretty to look at.
As I get older, I realize I hold these old ideals of love to a higher standard. I have been through those awkward middle school relationships where you are dating someone but not even really dating them because you don’t see each other outside of school. And don’t forget about the high school romances where you think you’ve met the love of your life and will stay together forever, but then you break up because of some pointless argument. It’s a lot to process, and it’s an awkward time in our juvenile lives, but I have learned a lot about myself that makes me who I am today.
You really cannot get to know someone by what they text over a phone. It is not genuine enough. I’m trying to find the love touch. I want to go on more dates and have fun getting to know all types of people. I want to be able to lock eyes with someone across a bar and have the courage to go up to them. It would not matter, really, if I get rejected, because that just means that it will be easier the next time I want to go up to someone.
Abby Dobry writes primarily about life and the arts. Write to her at [email protected]
