You’ve neglected to buy groceries for the week, and the contents of your fridge consist of a few eggs, some 10-day-old blueberries and one hot dog. Your last remaining bun for said hot dog feels like cardboard, and it’s almost concerning that it hasn’t developed any mold after sitting in your pantry for the past month.
So it’s time to go out to eat, but tragically, the new standard for a decent meal in 2024 is $15. America has fallen, and the minimum wage workers of Pennsylvania must toil for two hours just to afford a Baconator combo at Wendy’s.
In this age of absurd mark-ups — both at the grocery store and the drive-thru — you should try your best to never pay full price when you go out to eat. Save your money, and stick it to the man.
If you’re willing to wait until later in the night to eat dinner, there are plenty of great late-night deals around Oakland. Most of these start at 9 p.m., the perfect time for those of you with a 6-8:30 p.m. night class to grab a meal on your way home.
Melt’d, for example, has late-night specials Monday through Thursday, offering half-off burgers, quesadillas, sandwiches and mac and cheese bowls depending on the day. Stack’d has deals including half-off wings on Thursday nights and $7 quesadillas on Wednesday nights. Is it sad to live in a world where a $7 quesadilla is a deal? Perhaps so, but alas, we all must someday assume the role of the hungered and desperate late-night vagrant on Forbes Avenue.
There are also plenty of happy hour specials for those looking for a celebratory deal rather than the dark, lonely and possibly drunken search for a cheap 11 p.m. meal.
Viva Los Tacos — who have their own late-night specials as well — holds a special place in my heart for offering half off frozen margaritas and $1 slices of pizza from 3-6 p.m. every weekday. You can’t get anything for $1 in this day and age. That’s why I stopped being a stripper.
It would take far longer than one opinion column to break down all the late-night, happy hour and lunch specials across Oakland. My best advice is to find a place that has food you like and check out their website or social media to find out what deals they have. Sometimes, if you’re willing to eat an hour earlier or later, you can keep your stomach full along with your wallet.
And if you prefer to grab some fast food between classes or while out running errands, get the apps. Yes, they collect your purchasing information. Yes, it feels a little cringe to have multiple fast food apps on your phone. But it saves you money.
The other day I was in a drive-thru and the man in front of me paid $12 for a sandwich and a drink. Meanwhile, I, the young, hip app-user, paid $4 for a double-patty burger and loaded bacon cheese fries. The offers are designed to get you to buy from them more frequently, but marketing ploy or not, you can get lunch for three people with the same money you’d use for one full-price meal.
While cooking at home still remains the cheaper and healthier option, there will come days when your pantry is empty or you simply can’t muster the energy you need to turn that stovetop on. When that day comes, don’t let price hikes bleed you dry — there’s a $5 meal waiting for you if you just know where to look.
Thomas Riley is a cheapskate. Is that so terrible? Give them more ways to save a quick buck at [email protected].
