A watched pot never boils, or whatever the old saying is.
I wish to amend the statement — a watched email never gets law school decisions.
I guess the saying is applicable to lots of things, but stay with me, folks.
I spent about eight weeks of my life painstakingly combing over every detail of my applications. I spent months fine-tuning my personal statement, made my poor mother read the same supplemental essays over and over, stressed that I didn’t have enough work experience and spent most of the little free time I did have stressing, worrying and anxious. I submitted my last application on Oct. 29, weeks before many of my peers had finished. Most applications are literally still open to this day. I wanted to get it done as soon as I could without sacrificing quality, so I did.
When I submitted that final application, a weight was, in fact, lifted off my shoulders. It felt like a good neck crack after hours hunched over a laptop. I was living high for a few weeks, happy as a clam and buzzing like a bee with excitement. That is, until winter break hit.
I was met with cold Illinois weather, a dog who was just as lethargic as me and a lack of homework or Pitt News tasks. My busy life, the one I used often to shield myself from anxious thoughts of doom and grades, was no more. Trust me when I say I had the time of my life spending hours on the living room couch being doted on by my loving parents. But despite my sweatpant-clad demeanor and a lack of motivation to do anything but walk the dogs I was babysitting, my brain was firing constantly on the idea that “OK, maybe someone sent a decision in now.”
I checked my email every few hours every single day. I even checked on Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Years, hoping adcomm had some moments of reprieve. And when I couldn’t find anything in my inbox, I went and checked my trash folder. When I couldn’t find anything there, I went and checked my spam folder. I somehow managed to refrain from checking the applicant portals. That took sheer willpower and the realization that they don’t update even when the decisions do come in.
I always think about extinction bursts in monkey studies where they give monkeys some treats every so often when they hit a button or pull a lever. And then eventually the researchers stop giving the monkeys treats all together, and those monkeys would keep hitting the damn button hoping for a morsel to fall at their feet. It would never come, but they keep on trying with slowly decreasing satisfaction.
I have never felt so primitive in my life. I am monkey.
It doesn’t help when people on online forums — you know the one — get acceptances and rejections when they had applied around the same time as you. On one hand, your application lives to fight another day. On the other, what makes them hesitant about your application? What else could you have done or said that makes them sure you are a good fit?
So that is the life update! That is where I am currently. Lost in a sea — not like Chuck Noland who at least had some sort of a direction, but rather Wilson, the volleyball. Floating aimlessly.
I have no advice for anyone who is in the game with me other than to sit on our hands and keep ourselves as distracted as possible. As tempting as it is, there really is no point in checking our emails every five seconds and refreshing applicant portals.
Go outside. Touch some grass if it happens to not be covered in snow. Read some new books. Watch some favorite movies. Spend time with friends. Relish in the time spent with family. If everything goes well, come fall of this very year, most of us will be swamped, overworked and questioning every last single decision that led us to law school.
What will be, will be. I should get that tattooed on my forehead, so I am reminded each and every morning.