If you know me or if you read my blogs, you know deciding on a future career is a constant struggle for me. I’ve worked a variety of jobs in both journalism and marketing — and now, nonprofits — and I still can’t figure it out.

A few weeks ago, I started a job at a nonprofit called Literacy Pittsburgh. The nonprofit provides free English and GED classes to adults in the Pittsburgh area. I work for them doing marketing work, writing curriculums for tutors and assistant teaching in an ELL class. This is the first job I’ve had that I can say I love. There’s enough variety that I don’t get bored, and I get to help people. 

When I was little, I wanted to be a special education teacher. I wanted to mostly because my mom was a special education teacher but also because I wanted to help people. Though my dream career path has fluctuated, wanting to help people has been a constant.

When it comes to writing, I like to think I’m helping through my relatability and vulnerability, but I don’t actually know. At my new job, I work one-on-one with a French-speaking student, and I get to watch her smile when she understands a new grammar concept. It’s also a plus that I get to teach grammar as someone who’s always correcting my friends’ and family’s incorrect grammar. 

Not only did I find a job I love, but I’m learning what I love in a job. About a year ago, I interviewed for an internship and was asked, “What kind of work environment do you work best in?” I didn’t know how to answer the question. I never worked in an environment that nourished my strengths like Literacy Pittsburgh does, so I wasn’t sure where I worked best. Now, if asked that question again, I would say I like having a clear agenda — a to-do list that I can cross tasks off of. In the past, I worked a marketing job where there were no clear guidelines of what to do. I had to take initiative, which taught me a lot about the workplace. But it also taught me it’s not the kind of workplace I do best in. Since advancing through lessons in my curriculum writing assignment, I know that I like to have goals and track my progress. When I first started, my supervisor told me that the lesson plans needed to be finished by June. I’ve now finished plans on 10 units. As I work toward the goal, I can measure my progress and feel confident that I’m doing good.

While nonprofit work seems like a perfect fit for me, I still have concerns. Literacy Pittsburgh does not have the funds to pay me. Instead, I applied and was awarded a grant through the Pitt English Department. I’m making money now, but students are only allowed to receive the grant for one semester. That means, if I want to continue my work at Literacy Pittsburgh over the summer or if I want to apply to a different nonprofit that can’t afford to pay me, I will not be paid. Nonprofit workers tend to earn significantly less money than workers in the private sector, so if I choose a career in nonprofits, this will be a constant issue. 

The reason I decided not to pursue a career in education was because of the low pay. Ironically, here I am — teaching and worrying about money. But what else am I supposed to do? With the exception of the medical field, it seems all jobs that center around helping people are low-paying — teachers, social workers, public defenders and nonprofit workers. 

Now, I’m stuck. I finally found a job I like, but I still can’t figure out what to do with my life. I know more about myself, my wants and my needs, but they’re leaving me just as confused as I was before. I want to help people, and I want to be financially comfortable, but it seems I can’t have both.