Hydrate. That’s what athletes do when they’re training, playing and nourishing themselves. So, let’s have a drink.

Round One

I didn’t know Tequila had anything to do with football.

I knew steroids had something to with it, but I didn’t realize when you mixed the two, someone would get strangled — I should have, though.

But anyway, did you hear the one about Shawne Merriman allegedly strangling reality star Tila Tequila when she attempted to leave his house at night this past weekend? Tequila claimed the former, while Merriman said he was trying to stop his girlfriend from driving home drunk. He said he didn’t choke her, but he was still arrested — and released. She went to the hospital — and has been released.

Tequila said she couldn’t have been drunk, because she’s allergic to alcohol. Ironic.

She also now wants to speak out against ‘roid rage, which she’s pinning on Merriman — in the past, Merriman was suspended by the NFL for testing positive. The owner of a club where the couple was spotted earlier in the evening disputed Tequila’s apparent allergy.

The owner said Tequila was visibly intoxicated at the bar and was dancing with Merriman.

It’s a weird situation to begin with, and taking the Chargers’ linebacker out of it, it isn’t even a sports story.

But who is Tequila kidding? She doesn’t drink? Right, and I can dunk, kick a 50-yard field goal and throw a baseball 95 miles per hour.

Not to mention these two are Twitter freaks and have expounded on the incident ad nauseam ever since it happened.

Roger Goodell must have seen this one coming. After shooting yourself in the leg, fighting dogs and DUI manslaughter, domestic disturbance must seem ordinary.

Round Two

HBO has a sports documentary show called “24/7,” on which, leading up to high-profile boxing events, the network has cameras follow each of the two fighters throughout the training process in an omnipresent type of way. It’s dramatic, intrusive and a great show.

The current installment of the show features “Pretty Boy” Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Mexican champion Juan Manuel Marquez.

This week, Marquez did the unthinkable. After one of his training sessions, Marquez retreated to the bathroom with a small glass. He relieved himself in the glass and then drank its contents.

He drinks his own urine — his pee, his tinkle. Forget Gatorade, because that’s G.

Marquez said urine holds many essential vitamins and proteins that he does not want to waste, so he recycles them through his body. He said he’s done it for his last five or six fights and has seen good results — he’s won five of his last six bouts, the one loss coming to Manny Pacquiao in a split decision.

The scientific term for what Marquez does is urophagia. Some claim it’s dangerous. Some say it should only be done under dire conditions, like if marooned on a desert island. Juan Manuel says it lets him hit the gloves harder, work the speed bag faster and hopefully take down Mayweather Jr.

Now, I’m aware of the obscurity of some athlete’s rituals. They are highly habitual creatures with bizarre superstitions.

I’ve heard of former outfielder Moises Alou peeing on his hands to create calluses to hit without batting gloves. I let that one slide.

But drinking it?

I know Kevin Costner did it in “Water World,” but a) that movie was awful and b) he at least purified it first.

If you don’t want to take my word for it, there are ample clips floating around the Internet where you can witness it firsthand. Trust me, it’s a treat.

It also begs the question: What other athletes are doing this?

No way it’s only Marquez. I would suggest Merriman, but I already know he prefers another drink for which Mexico is famous: Tequila.

So, what’s it going to be? I’m ready for another, but this round’s on you.