After an exhilarating few months of sports, the summer is here to slow things down a bit.

… After an exhilarating few months of sports, the summer is here to slow things down a bit.

The spring gave us the NCAA Tournament, the start of the baseball season, the beginning of both the NBA and NHL playoffs and the Blue-Gold game. Now we can take a deep breath and finally try to get some reading done or something like that.

Or not. The summer is full of great sporting events to help waste your time and make sure the only thing you’re reading is a box score. But, Adam, whatever are these events you speak so glowingly of?

Well, reader, let’s take a trip into the future.

May 15 — Alex Rodriguez makes season debut: After a turbulent and extended, offseason, A-Rod makes his first start of the year against the Twins. He hits a home run in his first at-bat in the new Yankee Stadium, but in an oversight he opts to come to the plate while No Doubt’s ‘Just A Girl’ plays in the stadium because he relates to the song’s message about how society tries to hold down the feminine. A-Rod isn’t sure how opposing teams will use it to embarrass him when the Yankees come to town, but knows it can’t be worse than last year, when a story came about how he likes muscular strippers and teams played ‘Lola’ by the Kinks before his at-bats.

June 2 or 8 — Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I’d love to give you the exact date, but that’s dependent on how the rounds leading up to this one play out, and those haven’t happened yet. Also, it’s Game 3 because, for hockey fans, it means one team is either going to jump out to a commanding 3-0 lead or take a 2-1 series advantage. And to non-hockey fans, this is when they realize, ‘Hey, the Stanley Cup is on.’

June 4 — Game 1 of the NBA Finals: The Lakers and Cavaliers are the two top-seeded teams heading into the playoffs, so if they both win out like expected, this would be the first of at least four games between them, and more importantly, between Kobe and LeBron. That could be fun. If it’s not that matchup, though, would you rather spend this Thursday night watching the NBA or a rerun of ’30 Rock’? If Boston or Houston so much as sniffs this game, I’m rolling with Liz Lemon.

June 22 — Wimbledon: Last year’s men’s final between Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer was as epic and beautiful as any single sporting can be. A rematch would certainly be welcome. And in terms of pleasantness, it’s hard to top the tradition of NBC’s live coverage of the event each morning called ‘Breakfast at Wimbledon.’ If anything, it’s much better than a certain cable network’s ‘Cocaine Binge and Insomnia with the Australia Open.’

July 4 — Tour de France starts: Lance Armstrong’s back! People ride bikes! In France! You could watch that, if it’s your thing. Or you could watch this …

July 4 — Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest: If baseball is America’s pastime, then competitive eating should be America’s time. It falls on the United States’ birthday every year, so there’s that. Plus, it’s got people eating and the constant threat of regurgitation. Also, with Michael Phelps turning out to be nothing more than a thug, two-time defending champ Joey Chestnut is the last great American athlete.

July 7 — Running of the Bulls: The annual event in which people try to outrun bulls on a course in the streets of Pamplona, Spain, is always exciting. Although it has lost a little of its uniqueness thanks to security cameras, a general loss of morals and Black Friday, as you can watch the news the day after Thanksgiving here in the United States and pretty much see the same thing.

July 13 — MLB All-Star Home Run Derby: Last year former drug addict Josh Hamilton lit it up by hitting a record 28 homers in the first round. What player with a shady past will emerge as this year’s feel-good story? Hey, as long as it’s not steroids we’re an accepting bunch.

July 24 — Brett Favre and John Madden team up: Finding themselves both unemployed, the two star in a buddy cop movie that comes out on this Friday. See what happens when a gunslinger who plays by his own rules joins forces with a man who has a penchant for speaking in onomatopoeias as they search for drug lords but find something bigger than crime. The tentatively titled ‘I Love You, Man,’ directed by Ang Lee, is already causing a ruckus for the rumored eight explicit love scenes between the two.

Aug. 3 — Royals vs. Rays: Meaningless regular season game? Nope. Circle this one on the calendar and thank me later. Something awesome will happen.

Aug. 22 — PogoPalooza: If you’ve walked in certain area on Forbes Avenue, you might have seen fliers for this, unless they were ripped down already. The event actually starts on Aug. 19 with some demonstrations, but this day features the main event, a five-hour pogo competition in Schenley Plaza. So if you happen to move in a little early, why not check out the sixth (!) installment of PogoPalooza?

Aug. 31 — Summer officially ends as this is the first day of classes for the fall semester. Aww, so sorry. There’s no reason to bring that up now. In the words of Bugs Bunny, ‘Ain’t I a stinker?’

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