‘ ‘ ‘ While I was walking with a friend to Posvar Hall last week, I asked him if he thought… ‘ ‘ ‘ While I was walking with a friend to Posvar Hall last week, I asked him if he thought Wesley W. Posvar got his dues by having Posvar Hall named after him. He seemed to think so. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘I mean, he was the guy who stopped the Pirates from moving to Miami, right?’ he said. ‘ ‘ ‘ My friend had, in fact, been thinking of the plot of the 1989 David S. Ward classic ‘Major League.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ When I got to class I asked the girl next to me if she knew who Posvar was, which she did not. Since there were still a few minutes left before class was to start, I decided to approach my professor regarding the little informal poll I was conducting. Surely he’d have at least, you know, maybe a rudimentary understanding of who the man was and what he stood for ‘mdash; Posvar, that is. ‘ ‘ ‘ But instead of answering the question as to who Posvar was, he seemed to take it as some sort of personal attack, responding by asking me whether I was some kind of wise guy, what exactly I was trying to pull here, shouldn’t he be the one quizzing me and so on. As I retreated to my seat, it was apparent that not very many people have much of an idea what made Posvar so worthy of having Posvar Hall named after him. ‘ ‘ ‘ To begin unpacking this morphological phenomenon, I’d like you to imagine a society in which people didn’t have traditional proper names such as Wesley W. Posvar. Sure, it would render everyday conversational syntax an insufferable chore ‘mdash; we’d have to identify people by their accomplishments, occupations, appearances, habits, facial tics, odors and so on. ‘ ‘ ‘ There would be some pluses, of course. You’d never again need to elaborate as to which Jessica you were referring to, Johnson or Thomas. You’d also never again find yourself struggling to remember the name of that guy with the spiky hair and tense disposition you met the other night ‘mdash; referring to him as just that would be a perfectly socially acceptable thing to do. You would have to adjust your moniker accordingly if he changes to a faux-hawk or something, but most importantly, you’d have a much better idea of who Posvar was. ‘ ‘ ‘ In this hypothetical society, instead of bearing empty labels like ‘Posvar Hall’ and ‘WWPH,’ the building located on Schenley Drive that houses Einstein’s, GSPIA and Forbes Field’s old home plate would be known as ‘Long-Time Pitt Chancellor Who Helped Transform Pitt into the Leading Research University it is Today’ Hall. Your larger lectures would take place in ‘Pittsburgh Mayor (1946-1959) Who Helped the City Recover from the Environmental Effects of its Steel Industry’ Hall. Alumni Hall would still be Alumni Hall, it actually turns out. ‘ ‘ ‘ A society void of proper names would not be complimentary to all our namesakes, though. Your art history classes would be in ‘Wealthy Industrialist Who Lowered Wages to Increase Profits and Hired a Private Militia During the Homestead Strike that Would Go on to Kill Nine Strikers’ Fine Arts Building. ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘We named a building after that guy?’ people would always be saying. We don’t get that effect with ‘Frick,’ now do we? ‘ ‘ ‘ We already do have some descriptive, unambiguous names like these in our society today. Batman, Big Bird, the Pink Panther and the Cat in the Hat are all real-life examples of names that are much easier to identify than a merely symbolic ‘mdash; albeit esteemed ‘mdash; one like Posvar’s. ‘ ‘ ‘ Even people who haven’t the slightest clue who the Cat in the Hat is could tell you at least two things about him. The same people would have a much harder time telling you two things about the Cat in the Hat, had Dr. Seuss named him Wesley W. Posvar. ‘ ‘ ‘ Believe it or not, at some point in time, the names David Lawrence, John H. Hillman Jr., George Hubbard Clapp, Henry Clay Frick and even Posvar all referred to actual living human beings. They would eat, sleep, breathe, react to external stimuli and even interact with other human beings on occasion. They haven’t always been the empty labels with which we refer to various campus landmarks. But when we name things like buildings after people like Posvar and repeat their names over and over again in no context relating to their accomplishments or character, it kind of defeats the purpose.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ I am not saying that we stop naming things after people like Posvar. I am just saying that if one day I am distinguished enough to have a building named in my honor, I would rather it be named after something far greater than myself, something by which I define who I am and what I bring to the world. Besides, the Wesley W. Posvar Awareness Medical Library has a nice ring to it. E-mail Ben at [email protected] if you know what the W. in Wesley W. Posvar stands for ‘mdash; but no cheating!