I thought once that I had already met the enemy. I thought I had met him over and over… I thought once that I had already met the enemy. I thought I had met him over and over again. Just last year, I was able to pick my enemies out of my high school directory’s faculty list. It was not until I came to Pitt, however, that I truly saw the light. The invention of the alarm clock – and perhaps, as well, its inventor – are truly the enemies of mankind.

This may not seem initially momentous, for we all despise our alarm clocks at some point in time. When they sound their obnoxious sounds, drilling us from slumber to a hectic morning of rushing around, attempting to get to classes, we curse them to a hell that some of us don’t even believe in.

In between classes, we stare at them as they taunt us, increasing minute by minute until our next appointments, our next obligations and the next time we have to enter a situation where we sincerely would rather play in traffic than experience.

The true evil of the invention of time as we know it becomes clear, however, when we step back from our everyday life and truly evaluate it. We are slaves to the clock. Each morning, we succeed in – or at least attempt to – obey it, as it pokes and prods us from a deep sleep. When we are late, and it displays to us precisely how late we are, we begin to panic, and the world begins to shatter.

In the previous paragraph, I refer to THE clock, as if I have a specific clock in mind. This is by no means a quirk of writing, nor is it unintentional. When considering any clock as a device, it is nothing more than a device to display an invention of mankind. THE clock, however, is a symbol, for it represents time as a whole. As a symbol, we are devoted to, and obey with undying allegiance, the clock.

This may seem perfectly natural, for we have developed in the shadow of the overbearing, Big Brother clock. In a practical sense, we have to be devoted; if we ignore the clock and miss our classes, we fail out of school and waste the substantial tuition money we are all paying. In this way, time to us is and always has been simply a means to an end; we only see an hour as a span of time between two events. The only reason to look at a clock is to determine how long it is until our next class or until class is over.

However natural, it is also significantly unfortunate. Not only are we making our lives, in a general philosophical sense, meaningless, we are also forcing ourselves to constantly look into the future. In a more esoteric sense, we are typecasting time, giving time a one-dimensional characteristic. Such typecasting can be dangerous, for time is undoubtedly far more complicated and amazing than is represented by the clocks which sit on our desks.

What is to be done about this unfortunate – and most fundamental – of societal problems? Depressingly, there is not much to be done. The problems of such a society cannot change overnight, nor can they change from the impact of just one action. Small actions speak volumes when given enough time, however. To that end, I suggest beginning to fight the power, as it were. The clock must be risen up against, and mankind will eventually break free from its bondage and consider time in a deeper, more philosophical sense.

First of all, begin to turn clocks off on the weekends. Spontaneous actions such as phone calls from friends regarding something awesome going down can serve as guidelines for waking. If a clock is being particularly frustrating one Saturday, wake up at some odd hour of the afternoon, shake your fist at your clock, and shout viva la resistance.

For those familiar with Einstein’s theory of relativity, it may be beneficial to threaten clocks repeatedly. Clocks must be informed of precisely how much danger they are in if time slows to a ridiculous degree. In fact, they must be informed of how slowing will render them useless, giving us, for all intents and purpose, “all the time in the world.”

The benefits of removing our clocks from the pedestals up to which we have so complacently elevated them – both literally and figuratively – will become apparent almost immediately. The final result of all these seemingly random actions will be the ultimate goal of mankind: true and complete removal from the bondage of the clock. For the college student, in particular, this new-found freedom will be well-received. No more 9 a.m. classes. No more strange recitations that only serve the purpose of getting you out of bed early in the morning. The true glory will arrive when our professors ask us, what time is best for you?

Viva la resistance.

Until the true revolution comes, do not begin la resistance on a weekday. E-mail Donald at [email protected]