Ron?

Wake up, Ron! It’s us, the Ghosts of Artest.

We heard that despite reports on Tuesday… Ron?

Wake up, Ron! It’s us, the Ghosts of Artest.

We heard that despite reports on Tuesday that your trade to Sacramento would fail, it went through on Wednesday. You to the Kings, Peja Stojakovic to the Pacers.

Let us explain something to you, Ron: This is your last chance.

You’re at a fork in the road of your career. It’s midnight between Christmas Eve and Christmas of your career, and we’re going to show you why you need to make this deal work.

First, I’ll talk, the Ghost of Artest Past. Frankly, you’re the bad guy, for any number of reasons.

Remember that time you told the Pacers that instead of playing basketball, you’d rather spend your time producing rap albums? You don’t ask for time off from a job paying you millions of dollars just so you can do another job. That’s bad.

And remember that time in Detroit, that huge brawl? The one in which you ran into the stands to hit a guy who threw something on you? In case you’ve forgotten, you decked the wrong guy. As a result, the NBA faced an image crisis that they hadn’t seen since the Kermit Washington punch.

Do I blame you for that? Absolutely not. You tried to get out of the fray on the court, and the guy threw things at you. Who wouldn’t defend themselves? But you nailed the wrong person. That was bad.

You worked hard all offseason to get back into playing shape, and that was really good. I thought maybe you’d seen the light. You kept yourself on good terms with the management, and you even – dare I say – made us like you!

And then we realized you were still, unavoidably, Ron Artest. Things this year started out well. You had served your suspension, which many – myself included – thought wasn’t merited. A full year for that, compared to what the others got? That’s crap. But being you, you found a way to get back in people’s bad graces.

You wanted to be traded. After the immortal Larry Bird gave you 100 percent support in the face of a league that was furious at you, you let him down, saying you felt like you needed to be out of Indianapolis. That was really, really bad.

OK, now it’s me, the Ghost of Artest Present. You have a new chance.

The Kings are willing to take a risk on you after the big blowup on Tuesday. You have said repeatedly that you just want to get back on the court – indeed, you said Wednesday that you’d play anywhere – and this is your opportunity. The Kings gave up a very solid player for you, one who was there through their great playoff runs in recent years.

Meanwhile, the NBA is working hard as ever to keep its image positive. Lord knows Stern has tried his hardest to create a clean-cut image, passing a dress code, being strict with Antonio Davis when all he did was try to protect his wife in the stands earlier this month. The league wants people to see that they are not the outcast of the four major sports.

The NBA is also fresh off of one of the greatest days in its history. On Sunday, Kobe scored 81, AI – not that one, the other one – hit a buzzer-beater from some crazy yoga position to win a game in which the Sixers trailed by 19 and the Suns and Sonics drained 32 3-pointers in their epic shootout. That’s all just in one day!

And then there’s the current you. You seem to be in game shape, and talking heads always say that you’re still a great player. NBA pundits think you’re a ferocious defender, and you’re one of the most valuable players in the league. So overall, things for you and the league are pretty good.

And now it’s me, the Ghost of Artest Future. Like we said, there are two paths in front of you.

First, there is the path that leads you to prosperity. If you follow this path, you just have to play basketball. However, that means only playing basketball. No talking to the media about something you’re upset with. No fighting. No hard, borderline excessive fouls.

Just play your game, the one all the critics want to talk about and compliment you on. You do that for long enough, and slowly but surely people start to forget Ron Artest who ran into the stands. They start remembering Ron Artest, the great player, maybe even the man who brought the championship to Sacramento.

But then there’s the other path. Basically, you treat the Kings how you treated the Pacers. You give priority to things other than your job, which is basketball, and you play with the same fouls and fights that you left with. Do that, and I assure you that there will be a gravestone in the NBA cemetery with your name and stats on it.

So, when you suit up for the first time in your Kings jersey, remember what we talked about. You can go back to sleep now.

But when you wake up, remember: Your career starts today.

Brian Weaver is the assistant sports editor for The Pitt News. E-mail him at [email protected].