“But now we got weapons/Of the chemical dust/If fire them we’re forced to/Then fire them we… “But now we got weapons/Of the chemical dust/If fire them we’re forced to/Then fire them we must/One push of the button/And a shot the world wide/And you never ask questions/When God’s on your side,” sang Bob Dylan on his 1964 record The Times They Are A-Changin’. Dylan penned that line back in 1964, in reference to the Cold War, but, had he just written “With God On Our Side” yesterday, his social commentary could easily be extended to the war on terror.

Perhaps as an unintentional tribute to the great singer/songwriter, the Bush Administration and the Pentagon recently helped further the timelessness of Dylan’s words by appointing Lt. Gen. William Boykin in charge of hunting Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

Many see Boykin – in his personal life – as one step short of a priest; a man so Christian that bibles must fall out of his pockets when he walks around. Unfortunately, Boykin’s faith does not get checked at his army barracks door, as his military history frequently has him publicly describing the war on terror as one of a purely religious nature.

Sadly, Boykin’s elevation to terror search dog is consistent with the Bush Administration’s “act first, think later” policy. Clearly someone should have foreseen a problem arising from granting a Boykin an even larger soapbox on which to publicly initiate a shouting match of ideals against his own Commander in Chief. But, like those mysteriously invisible weapons of mass destruction, rational thought seems to also be undetectable.

According to remarks documented in a recent Los Angeles Times article, Boykin’s views on God and terror make him seem oblivious at best, flat-out extremist at worst. The quote-brigade begins with, in a speech on radical Islamic views, Boykin declaring that the U.S.’s “enemy is a guy named Satan.”

Satan, you say. Hmm. I’m wondering if we have it in our budget to take on ol’ Lucifer in addition to ol’ bin Laden and Hussein. Do we even have enough troops to attack the third front of Hades? I’d say our odds are about a snowball’s chance in … well, you get the idea.

Sure, an argument could easily be made that Boykin was merely taking a few harmless liberties in comparing our enemies to the Devil. But consider a quote he made in reference to a Muslim soldier in Somalia. “I knew my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real god, and his was an idol.”

Wow. Are there a million things wrong with that statement? Let’s start with its sheer arrogance. Mr. Boykin, why don’t you just replace the word “God” with “penis” and say that one more time. Also, anyone who’s read even the Cliff’s Notes on Islam would know that the Muslim God and the Christian God are the same deity.

But I guess those facts are merely trivial to Mr. Boykin, who, at home, probably has his “Jesus and Pals” action figures positioned in battle stances against their evil, plastic Muslim counterparts.

Extending his commentary to that beyond his assigned military role, Boykin found it necessary to clarify that his Commander in Chief is in the White House because “God put him there.” Golly, Mr. Boykin sure does seem to know a lot about what the ‘Man Upstairs’ intends. Can you answer me this, Mr. Boykin? Why do bad things happen to good people?

All joking aside, Boykin’s comments are downright scary and couldn’t have come at a worse time. By no means do I mean to imply that being openly religious is a bad thing, but when someone is in the position to speak on behalf of the U.S. armed forces, a little bit of non-denominational judgment must be shown.

Because we live in an age when the phrase “one nation under God” is an extremely touchy subject, Boykin’s overtly religious words sound even more eerily reminiscent to those of bin Laden’s when he describes his terror faction’s “jihad” on America.

Despite any insane logic of fighting “holy war with holy war,” President Bush has made it very clear, especially on his current trip to Indonesia, that the U.S.’s war on terror is not a war on Islam. But the president’s intentions become less and less clear when he has a top military commander running around telling folks exactly the opposite.

While I would personally start putting the works of Dylan next to the works of Shakespeare in every classroom, you don’t have to be the world’s greatest lyricist to warn people against idiocy. Declaring “God on your side” is nonsensical. It shows the same logic as the Marlins fan sitting next to the Yankees fan at church, both adamantly praying that God make their team the victor.

Using religion as justification puts people in offensive and potentially dangerous situations. It’s a shame to see that, with people already taking offense to the dangerous situation of the war on terror, the U.S. Government has thrown another verbal hand grenade into the political minefield.

Holy crap! David J wrote a column of significant political importance and he only had to make one penis joke to do it. Send your politically important penis jokes to [email protected].