Indecent telephone exposure

A phone number released as a noise complaint hotline during the Nike Marathon in San Francisco on Sunday turned out to be a phone sex line. Apparently, race organizers gave the wrong number to city officials, who then connected the number to the city’s 311 hotline. It was discovered that the difference between the phone sex line and the marathon line was a matter of two digits in the number’s prefix — 8-6-6, rather than 8-0-0. City officials are now looking into how the number mix-up occurred. From what we can tell, those in charge were far from smooth operators.

 

Buns of steel

 

A woman in South Florida has been sentenced to 366 days in jail for one count of practicing medicine without a license. Oneal Morris, 32, agreed to a plea deal after several individuals came forward in 2011 claiming that Morris had injected their derrieres with a mixture of cement, Fix-a-Flat and Super Glue. In June, a plea deal was rejected that would have resulted in Morris paying a fine and spending 180 days in jail before five years of probation. If this case had gone to trial, Morris would be facing 15 years in prison. Sometimes plastic surgery is necessary, but we find butt injections, even those done by a licensed professional, asinine.

 

Eager Bieber

 

A 33-year-old California man has spent almost $97,000 on plastic surgery to make him look like Justin Bieber. Singer-songwriter Toby Sheldon, or “Toby Bieber” to his friends, has undergone procedures on his eyelids and mouth to make himself look like the pop star. One of the procedures involved lengthening the corners of his mouth to create a perpetual youthful “smile.” Hopefully none of the procedures involved cement injections.

Pearling PR

A man running the Kansas City Marathon broke the world record for knitting the longest scarf while running a marathon. David Babcock broke the former record held by Susie Hewer — who knitted a 6 foot 9 inch scarf during the London Marathon earlier this year — by knitting a 12 foot 1-and-3/4 inch creation. Babcock, who finished the marathon in five hours and 48 minutes, began running and knitting as separate hobbies several years ago and decided to combine them. Perhaps Americans have finally found a running event in which they can excel.

Chicken run

Those with pet chickens, fear no more: chicken visibility jackets have been developed. Omlet, a company that specializes in chicken-keeping supplies, designed the fluorescent vests and have already sold more than 200 units. The vests fit over the chickens’ wings like a jacket and help ensure that the birds are seen while outside and near roadways. For those who fawn over their fowl, you can buy one of these vests for about $20. Perhaps this is an attempt to make the “How did the chicken cross the road?” joke relevant again.