The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
Satire | Scheduling squalor: Working as a full time student

Satire | Scheduling squalor: Working as a full time student

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • January 16, 2024
Friends, hobbies, self and joy. All important aspects of life, maybe more so when you’re a broke college student trying to figure out what kind of person you’re going to be.
Satire | How to recover from the stress of the holidays

Satire | How to recover from the stress of the holidays

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • January 9, 2024
Whether it was the stress of constantly being surrounded by our loving families, day after day of beratement from people we thought had finally matured but seem to instead be worse than ever, or learning family lore we could never have prepared ourselves for, many of us are considering not venturing beyond Oakland ever again.
Satire | Beyond the Grimoire: Unveiling the hidden dangers of desperate exam magic

Satire | Beyond the Grimoire: Unveiling the hidden dangers of desperate exam magic

By Livia LaMarca, Assistant Opinions Editor • December 6, 2023
Trading sleep or risking exposure pales in comparison to the allure of casting spells and playing magical tricks. They will risk and give up more to ensure the benefits they lust for.
Satire | Peaking in college — An analysis of anguish

Satire | Peaking in college — An analysis of anguish

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • December 5, 2023
You certainly didn’t peak in high school. All you did was fall lower and lower into a cavern. Like, if life was a mountain, and peaking was being at the top, you were even lower than the bottom. But that’s good!
Satire | The Terrible Twenties: Alcoholism and Academia

Satire | The Terrible Twenties: Alcoholism and Academia

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • November 30, 2023
Alaina McCall once again deals with their own issues and quandaries through the thin veil of a satire.
Satire | Legions of lousy leases — a cautionary tale

Satire | Legions of lousy leases — a cautionary tale

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • November 15, 2023
As the old saying goes, “Heaven doesn’t last forever; one day you have to move to South O, where the streets are stained in glass and the noise goes on forever.”
A candlelit meal consisting of Cheez-Its, Tostitos, dry spaghetti, and a wrapped string cheese.

Satire | The flawed food on Forbes

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • November 5, 2023
I don’t have a solution. This is a cry for help. And don’t just tell me to budget and meal prep — if it was that simple, I wouldn’t be having this issue.
Satire | It’s the most wonderful time of the year — time to figure out which class you should withdraw from

Satire | It’s the most wonderful time of the year — time to figure out which class you should withdraw from

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • October 29, 2023
Withdrawing from a class might be the solution to all problems in life.
Satire | No more sexy costumes, only chaotic nightmare fuel

Satire | No more sexy costumes, only chaotic nightmare fuel

By Anna Fischer, Senior Staff Columnist • October 24, 2023
The age of sexy Halloween costumes is waning, and we should wear the most outlandish, bonkers, hilarious costumes this spooky season.
Satire | Pittsburgh in the early days of the rapture

Satire | Pittsburgh in the early days of the rapture

By Anna Fischer, Senior Staff Columnist • September 17, 2023
The ten plagues are happening here and now. The end of days are beginning. And I am going to enlighten you.
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