The Panther Crawl
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
Halket Street in Oakland.

Satire | Pitt student loses mind after all his friends go home for summer

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor • June 7, 2023
Without schoolwork taking up their evenings, students can spend more free time with their friends — but what about those whose friends moved back home for the summer?
Satire | ‘No one cares’: Oakland drivers express displeasure about poor treatment from pedestrians

Satire | ‘No one cares’: Oakland drivers express displeasure about poor treatment from pedestrians

By Anna Ehlers, Contributing Editor • May 31, 2023
Oakland’s population of 8,600 holds many drivers, many of them nonpermanent student residents, and all of them have grievances that they feel a burning urge to air regarding parking, road design and pedestrians. 
Satire | A send-off letter to Ann B. Dudd

Satire | A send-off letter to Ann B. Dudd

By Paul Beer, Staff Columnist • April 9, 2023
She will be missed, for above all, Ms. Dudd was an ally for every Pitt student — big or small, Black or white, trans or Nazi.
Satire | ‘Silenced’ conservative voices found to actually be really loud and annoying

Satire | ‘Silenced’ conservative voices found to actually be really loud and annoying

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • March 28, 2023
To ensure the student body knew how silenced they are, TPUSA tabled in the Towers’ lobby to advertise their speakers, whose events the University never had any intention of canceling. Fearing their voices may be too quiet — or god forbid, silent — the organization hooked up a microphone and amp to blast their voices at volumes one might only expect to hear when standing on an airline runway
Poetic Satire | Dear liberals, do as I say

Poetic Satire | Dear liberals, do as I say

By Anita Bengert, Staff Columnist • March 28, 2023
Columnist Anita Bengert explores the hypocrisy of Florida’s Parental Rights in Education Act through poetry.
Satire | If Julie Andrews came to Pitt

Satire | If Julie Andrews came to Pitt

By Talia Spillerman, Senior Staff Columnist • February 23, 2023
A few of our favorite things!
Satire | Climate change is going to kill Punxsutawney Phil

Satire | Climate change is going to kill Punxsutawney Phil

By Jessica Snyder, Senior Staff Columnist • February 6, 2023
It’s becoming harder and harder to put faith in our little Punxsutawney vermin. The period at the beginning of the year was often a transition from winter to spring, so most of his predictions weren’t too hard to believe. I’d even say that they were sometimes actually right. If this year’s prediction doesn’t completely disenfranchise Phil, he should at least get laid off until he proves he can provide accurate information.
Satire | First artificially intelligent student accepted to Carnegie Mellon School of Arts

Satire | First artificially intelligent student accepted to Carnegie Mellon School of Arts

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • January 20, 2023
An AI student at CMU and the ways that AI has impacted the world of art.
Satire | Ally to renters? This South Oakland landlord claims he’s ‘one of the good ones’

Satire | Ally to renters? This South Oakland landlord claims he’s ‘one of the good ones’

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • November 15, 2022
As lowerclassmen begin the hunt for off-campus housing for the next school year, they may struggle to not only choose a place to rent, but also to choose a landlord. There are plenty of horror stories out there from past and current renters, but one local landlord says he’s trying to make a difference.
Satire | Normalize being the problem

Satire | Normalize being the problem

By Jessica Snyder, Senior Staff Columnist • November 4, 2022
The essentials of gaslighting, gatekeeping, girlbossing and all-around being the problem.
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The Pitt News
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Address: 434 William Pitt Union, Pittsburgh, Pa. 15260
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