Editorial | Top 10 Pitt things that could win a Hunger Games simulation

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Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen in “The Hunger Games.”

We are living in strange, strange times. Many of us have spent three semesters on Zoom. We are bored. We are so bored that we’ve started doing Hunger Games simulations for fun. Based off of a book series where tributes fight one another until there’s one person left standing, we’ve put together the top 10 Pitt-related things that could probably win one of these simulations.

  1. 3,350 visiting prospective students and parents

Pitt is in a “shelter in place” period. We put this in quotes because the guidelines have little sheltering or staying in place. Apparently the exceptions are so extreme that more than 3,350 prospective students and parents were welcomed to campus — many of which were from out of state.

  1. Sinkhole bus

The G31 Bridgeville Flyer was not flying on the morning of Oct. 28, 2019, because it sank backward into a giant sinkhole Downtown. Pittsburgh filled the hole, but The Pitt News Editorial Board suggested the sinkhole bus be turned into a historic landmark. That would have been Hunger Games champion type material.

  1. The 2019 email chain

In February 2019 — it was sometime around the deep freeze where classes were canceled — a giant spam email chain went around to what seemed like all of Pitt. People kept hitting reply all, and many of us remember the horror of getting hundreds of emails over the course of a day or two. This could win the Hunger Games in a matter of minutes.

  1. Hot food in Hillman

Hillman suddenly, unapologetically and boldly began enforcing the no hot food rule in spring 2018. This rule still makes no sense. Does this mean that if we refrigerate our Market to Go chicken tenders they’re acceptable?

  1. The $27M Bigelow renovation

Pitt reopened Bigelow on Christmas Eve after a long period of construction. According to the chancellor, it will “enhance how University of Pittsburgh students, neighbors and visitors will experience Oakland for decades to come.”

There is literally nothing different about it except that the crosswalks are now brick instead of paint, and there are fancy flower pots. If the $27 million renovation made it this far, it must have some kind of weird superpower.

  1. Gene’s Place

Gene’s Place is a bar in Oakland with great drinks, great trivia nights and a great Twitter account. Nuff said.

  1. Inadvertent Email

An “inadvertent” email was sent to students in early June, which outlined fall plans like starting early and eliminating breaks. This email went out to first-year students before the University made an official announcement, and it wreaked absolute havoc. We would nominate it for an Oscar if we could.

  1. Tent

We have spent the entire year making jokes about “The Tent,” which Provost Ann Cudd fastidiously pitched on the Cathy lawn. She probably didn’t actually pitch it with her bare hands, but she did announce it at the faculty town hall in July because it would be useful for “certain classes where that would be useful because of the expelling of air.”

It was an “in tents” year here at Pitt. We may or may not have put that on the back of our Pitt News t-shirts.

  1. The Pitt unionization legal wars

After years of organizing, Pitt and the grad and faculty union organizers are still at it in their legal war over unionization. The lawyers for each side have been in an interesting tango dance of sorts for years, with dozens of legal filings as a kind of spin and dip. If they can go through years of this, they can win the Hunger Games.

  1. Leah Mensch 

Leah Mensch is the outgoing opinions editor of two years. This is their 130th editorial. They no longer fear anything.

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