On the Internet, free music is ubiquitous. On iTunes, however, even singles that bands have… On the Internet, free music is ubiquitous. On iTunes, however, even singles that bands have released at no cost — most recently, Fleet Foxes’ “Helplessness Blues” and the Tune-Yards’ “Bizness” — often warrant a 99-cent price tag.

Given this stinginess, I suspected the newest free songs on Apple’s music store were, in some fashion, worthless — wretched, lifeless deformities of music. After downloading three of the tracks, however, I’m happy to report this is only somewhat true.

Below, I’ve critiqued three songs Apple has donated to listeners out of the goodness of its heart.

“Die Trying”

Artist: Art of Dying

Album: Vices and Virtues

When it comes to music, Vancouver — by any measure, one of the nicest cities in North America — is not without its abominations (see: Nickelback). Unfortunately, Canadian quintet Art of Dying only furthers the disservice to its hometown.

In fact, Art of Dying’s new single, “Die Trying,” is about as intelligent as a Nickelback B-side. After a protracted drum solo, the track ignites into a racket of distortion and canned machismo, punctuated by the chorus: “If it takes forever / I will die trying.” Not only is this declaration a tiresome conflation of clichés, it’s also incredibly ambiguous: Is lead singer Jonny Hetherington’s death contingent on the interminability of his task, or is he merely expressing an unfailing dedication? In any case, the nature of his pursuit remains unclear: At best, listeners might infer that there is something very difficult Hetherington is attempting to accomplish, and he’s not doing a very good job.

Tellingly, the first lines in “Die Trying” are, “I think it’s time for me to go now / I’ve done more harm than good.” Just this once, I wish Art of Dying trusted its intuition.

“Conversion”

Artist: Straight Line Stitch

Album: The Fight of Our Lives

In several respects, “Conversion” serves as a natural companion to “Die Trying:” Both songs feature a riot of distortion, an obliquely referenced quest and a monotonous chorus.

Nevertheless, “Conversion” is at least marginally more admirable. The frontwoman’s singing — often screaming — is impassioned, rather than tossed off. The interplay between hysterical verses and a more measured chorus is sensible, if nothing else. And the band is able to produce an intriguing guitar effect akin to the bursts of a semi-automatic gun.

This isn’t to say “Conversion” is a good track — in fact, it’s quite mediocre. But when perusing the current bank of iTunes free singles, listeners with a thirst for metal and an absence of 99 cents would do well to select “Conversion” (the one with a crow looking upward) over “Die Trying” (the one with a crow looking downward).

“Te Voy a Amar”

Artist: El Trono de Mexico

Album: Sigo Estando Contigo

The musical disparity between “Te Voy a Amar” and the previously mentioned free singles is so pronounced as to seem a practical joke on iTunes’ part. Indeed, “Amar” — whose album art depicts a collection of dapper Hispanic men gazing alluringly at something off screen — seems designed specifically to thwart any adrenaline-fueled hysteria induced by “Conversion” and “Die Trying.”

Thankfully, it succeeds. Like the preceding singles, “Te Voy a Amar” is unremarkable — but in a comforting, rather than grating, sort of way. After a plaintive piano introduction, the track eases into a synth and accordion groove, overlaid with the earnest vocals so integral to Latin American music.

As for the lyrics, I’m not qualified to pass judgment: I only received a 2 on my AP Spanish exam. In any case, my guess is that “Amar” isn’t grounded in intricate wordplay — rather, it’s meant to serve as a wistful, easily digestible ballad, with the power to dispel the misfortunes — or inept metal bands — that may have fouled a listener’s day.