“We regret to inform you that … ”

“Although your application was very strong … ”

“Regrettably, we had a limited amount of positions open and … ”

These all-too-familiar statements litter the emails and letters we receive at every stage of life. As novices in the arena of competition, we are hit with the brunt of these sentiments.

I am well-versed in the art of immediately detecting a letter’s intent, having received a good mix of rejection and acceptance letters during my short college career. Recently, that mix consisted of more rejections and fewer congratulations. As the rejection letters began to pile up, my confidence in my abilities began to sink.

Exclusions, brush-offs, turn-downs and dismissals become the guests of a bleak party, a depressing pity party of one. Like pain, rejection demands acknowledgement. Fortunately, we can overcome the feeling of rejection with a determined attitude and a positive outlook.

When pondering the fairness of life’s rejections, consider these theorems written by Andrew Gelman, statistics professor at Columbia University.

Theorem 1 — “For any acceptance worth competing for, the probability of a randomly selected applicant being rejected is higher than the probability of being accepted.”

The greatest opportunities in life are higly sought and require a high caliber of skill or intelligence. The odds are never in your favor when you apply for a position or award that fits this criteria.

But the reach isn’t entirely in vain.

Robert Browning, an English poet and playwright, once said, “Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, Or what’s a heaven for?”

When you challenge yourself and aim above your comfort zone, the probability of success decreases. Consequently, the probability of rejection increases.

Theorem 2 — “A local maximum cannot exceed the global maximum (no one can exceed at everything).”

No one can exceed at everything, but many of us like to try. My drive to be the best sometimes keeps me from experiencing new opportunities out of fear of seeming like the newbie. Yet, the maxim still stands. Nobody can exceed at everything, because then they would be superhuman and that would not be fair to us mere mortals.

Not getting what you initially wanted can turn into a blessing.

Rejection from certain positions — Resident Assistant, Pitt Pathfinders, member of a certain fraternity or sorority — is often the result of an incompatibility between you and that position. Many students I know, when asked to reflect upon a previous rejection, have stated that they are now able to see how that position would not have worked out for them, whether it’s due to time, personality or some other conflicts.

Theorem 3 — “The probability that you will be accepted for everything you compete for is zero.”

This theorem is similar to theorem 1. We cannot succeed at everything, every time. Life does not work that way, and it would not be worth living if it was. John Steinbeck once said, “What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”

This was a hard theorem for me to accept. I do not like to do things unless I know that I have at least an 80 percent chance of succeeding. In high school, no one turned me down. I was a big fish in a little pond, who learned college is a whole other ocean. With so many qualified people fighting for the same limited spots, it is impossible for others to accept you for every worthwhile thing you apply for.

Grand theorem — “Statistically, you are rejected, and probabilistically, it is fair.”

In other words, rejection is both common and necessary. Statistically, we will all face rejection at least once in our lives, provided that we apply for positions or opportunities that are worth competing for and obtaining.

Also, rejection does not necessarily mean that you were not qualified for an opportunity, or that you messed up on your application or during your interview. Unfortunately, employers can only select a few individuals for a job, and they must reject everyone else.

Do not ever let the feeling of rejection take up residence in your heart and mind, and do not let it drain your confidence. Life is way too short to dwell on past rejections.

After a lab rejected me for an undergraduate research mentor position, an employer rejected me for a job and Global Ties did not choose me to be a mentor, I never wanted to apply for anything again.

After talking to a few of my friends, however, I realized how many other opportunities of which I could now take advantage.

I applied to be a Partners in Progress mentor, and they accepted me for the position.

I did not let rejection from those leadership positions prevent me from applying for others.

The next time you feel dejected — after  an internship, part-time job or leadership position rejects you — give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to try.

Then, eagerly await the next available opportunity, keeping in mind that the probability of success increases with each failed attempt.

Email Oge at [email protected].