The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
Satire | November Horoscopes

Satire | November Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • November 7, 2019
The stars have excitement in store for everyone this November.
Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes

Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • September 11, 2019
Here are some tips, directly from the stars, to help you optimize your LinkedIn experience.
Satire | Back to school horoscopes

Satire | Back to school horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • August 29, 2019
Look to the stars for some answers, because Kevin in the second-to-last row of your biology lecture sure isn’t going to provide any insight.
Lothrop Hall is one of the only residence halls with a sink in nearly every dorm room.

Satire | Residence Hall Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • June 29, 2019
Just like you, each of Pitt’s residence halls has its own distinct character.
UGG boots gained widespread popularity in the mid 2000s.

Opinion | June Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • June 18, 2019
Summer is upon us. The weather becomes hot. The air becomes sticky. The Geminis finally crawl back into the wretched pits from whence we came. There is a sense of calm. Check your horoscope to see what else the stars have in store for you this Cancer season.
Opinion | Drunk horoscopes

Opinion | Drunk horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • April 10, 2019
It’s easy to have a hard time figuring out the right drink for you. Why not bring the stars to the bars? It’s time to let your sign determine your drink order.
Opinion | Serious March horoscopes

Opinion | Serious March horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • March 21, 2019
Just some rigorous and serious March horoscopes. These are arguably the most accurate March horoscopes that can be found today.
Opinion | Scientifically tested horoscopes

Opinion | Scientifically tested horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • February 21, 2019
These horoscopes have been scientifically tested - rigorously, too.
Opinion | Accurate, peer-reviewed horoscopes

Opinion | Accurate, peer-reviewed horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Staff Columnist • January 17, 2019
Do you use Apple Music? Do you enjoy it? Do you like to pop, and lock, and jam, and break? Reconsider this stance, Aquarius.
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