Every day that I wake up now

It is getting harder to get out of bed

Although I love the cold weather

I feel as though it is making things tough for me

As the brisk wind sways through this old city

And the rain occurs at the most random times

It hits me in my face whenever I am outside

I do not want to feel it anymore

Most of that time I would much rather be inside bundled in my bed 

Doing absolutely nothing in life

But when I lay in bed pondering for hours

I feel like nothing 

I feel unmotivated 

I feel bereft and out of my mind

That is when I want to go out

That is when I want to explore and move around

That is some of the time

It is not all of the time

With this change I feel away

Like I am in a whole other place

I do not feel like myself

I have not felt like myself for a while

Everything just goes in and out of my mind

No matter how hard I try 

But there is one person that understands me the most when I feel like this

One person who makes me feel like I am normal

One person who makes me feel like I am not going insane

One person who makes me feel like I am going to be completely okay

That is him

I believe it will always be him

It has been him for this past year

With these long days, weeks and months going by

And I cannot be with him every day

And I cannot be with him every week

And I cannot be with him every month

That is just how it is sometimes

As this time goes by

When I am feeling alone and not in place

I always wish you were right beside me 

Telling me that everything is going to be okay

And to the point where I start to cry 

Because crying is the main thing that I have been doing so much of lately

You always seem to make everything feel better

No matter how hard you try

Sometimes you feel like you do not know what to say

But I know I am like that as well

It does not matter to me at all

Because I always know that you are listening to me

I will always listen to you too

No matter how serious or silly something is

Even when I am five hours away from home

I would fight until the end for you

So please

Next time that we see each other

Let’s hold onto each other a little tighter

Before saying goodbye for a bit

Irene enjoys spilling out her thoughts and feelings onto pages. If you do too, you can reach out to her through [email protected]