Satire | January horoscopes

By Paige Lawler, Senior Staff Columnist • January 9, 2022

Paige Lawler asked the stars about what lies ahead for the signs this coming new year in regard to their resolutions. Read on to see what lies in store for you this January.

Satire | Housing Horoscopes: What your housing says about you

By Nadiya Greaser, Staff Columnist • November 10, 2021

We all judge people for where they live. Here’s what your housing says about you.

Satire | November Horoscopes

By Paige Lawler, Senior Staff Columnist • November 5, 2021

If you’re curious what the stars have in store for you this month, look no further than your November horoscope!

Satire | February Horoscopes

By Paige Lawler, Assistant Opinions Editor • February 5, 2021

Find out what February has in store for you here:

Satire | November Horoscopes

By Paige Lawler, Assistant Opinions Editor • November 6, 2020

If you’re looking for something a little bit more laid back than the current state of the world, and I’m sure most of us are, look no further than your monthly horoscope.

Satire | October Horoscopes

By Paige Lawler, Assistant Opinions Editor • October 8, 2020

It’s October. I’m exhausted, the stars are exhausted and I’m sure you’re exhausted. Take a break from your midterms and endless Zoom calls to see what kind of advice and insight the stars have decided you need this month. 

Satire | September Horoscopes

By Paige Lawler, Assistant Opinions Editor • September 3, 2020

Are you curious about what’s written in the stars for you this month? Well then, you’re in luck!

Satire | Valentines Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • February 13, 2020

Mercury is in retrograde and love is hard. That’s all. That’s it. Let’s look to the stars to understand our weird human emotions on this weird human emotions day.

Satire | Internship Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • February 5, 2020

Feel like you’re gonna get sucked up by the resume gods if you don’t get an internship? Look to the stars for some guidance.

Satire | January Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • January 10, 2020

The new year rolled around and we’re all the same people.