Satire | Valentines Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
February 13, 2020
Mercury is in retrograde and love is hard. That’s all. That’s it. Let’s look to the stars to understand our weird human emotions on this weird human emotions day.
Satire | Internship Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
February 5, 2020
Feel like you’re gonna get sucked up by the resume gods if you don’t get an internship? Look to the stars for some guidance.
Satire | January Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
January 9, 2020
The new year rolled around and we’re all the same people.
Satire | November Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
November 7, 2019
The stars have excitement in store for everyone this November.
Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
September 11, 2019
Here are some tips, directly from the stars, to help you optimize your LinkedIn experience.
Satire | Back to school horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
August 29, 2019
Look to the stars for some answers, because Kevin in the second-to-last row of your biology lecture sure isn’t going to provide any insight.
Satire | Residence Hall Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
June 29, 2019
Just like you, each of Pitt’s residence halls has its own distinct character.
Opinion | June Horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
June 18, 2019
Summer is upon us. The weather becomes hot. The air becomes sticky. The Geminis finally crawl back into the wretched pits from whence we came. There is a sense of calm. Check your horoscope to see what else the stars have in store for you this Cancer season.
Opinion | Drunk horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
April 10, 2019
It’s easy to have a hard time figuring out the right drink for you. Why not bring the stars to the bars? It’s time to let your sign determine your drink order.
Opinion | Serious March horoscopes
By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist
March 21, 2019
Just some rigorous and serious March horoscopes. These are arguably the most accurate March horoscopes that can be found today.