The Pitt News

Satire | Valentines Horoscopes

Satire | Valentines Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

February 13, 2020

Mercury is in retrograde and love is hard. That’s all. That’s it. Let’s look to the stars to understand our weird human emotions on this weird human emotions day.

Satire | Internship Horoscopes

Satire | Internship Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

February 5, 2020

Feel like you’re gonna get sucked up by the resume gods if you don’t get an internship? Look to the stars for some guidance.

Satire | January Horoscopes

Satire | January Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

January 10, 2020

The new year rolled around and we’re all the same people.

Satire | November Horoscopes

Satire | November Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

November 8, 2019

The stars have excitement in store for everyone this November.

Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes

Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

September 11, 2019

Here are some tips, directly from the stars, to help you optimize your LinkedIn experience.

Satire | Back to school horoscopes

Satire | Back to school horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

August 29, 2019

Look to the stars for some answers, because Kevin in the second-to-last row of your biology lecture sure isn’t going to provide any insight.

Satire | Residence Hall Horoscopes

 Lothrop Hall is one of the only residence halls with a sink in nearly every dorm room.

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

June 29, 2019

Just like you, each of Pitt’s residence halls has its own distinct character.

Opinion | June Horoscopes

UGG boots gained widespread popularity in the mid 2000s.

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

June 18, 2019

Summer is upon us. The weather becomes hot. The air becomes sticky. The Geminis finally crawl back into the wretched pits from whence we came. There is a sense of calm. Check your horoscope to see what else the stars have in store for you this Cancer season.

Opinion | Drunk horoscopes

Opinion | Drunk horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

April 10, 2019

It’s easy to have a hard time figuring out the right drink for you. Why not bring the stars to the bars? It’s time to let your sign determine your drink order.

Opinion | Serious March horoscopes

Opinion | Serious March horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist

March 21, 2019

Just some rigorous and serious March horoscopes. These are arguably the most accurate March horoscopes that can be found today.

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