The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
Satire | The consequences of shrinkflation

Satire | The consequences of shrinkflation

By Alaina McCall, Senior Staff Columnist • October 25, 2024
At this point in the future, there have been thousands of recessions — which were really depressions — since the one in 2008. Inflation keeps raising prices.
Satire | America has the right to invade Cuba and should after they have expressed interest in joining BRICS

Satire | America has the right to invade Cuba and should after they have expressed interest in joining BRICS

By Alex Jurkuta, Contributing Editor • October 25, 2024
With all of this open hostility from the Eastern-backed Cuban government, it has become clear that the only option for the United States to protect its sphere of influence is to engage in a three-day special operation in order to de-commify Cuba and protect the persecuted ethnic Americans.
A spotted lanternfly.

Satire | Spotted lanternflies’ morality and mortality

By Alaina McCall, Senior Staff Columnist • October 17, 2024
As Oakland residents know, in the warmer months, swarms of lanternflies litter the air and streets with their disgusting existence. They’re annoying, they try to fly in my eyes and mouth every time I step outside and they’re invasive, so we’re supposed to kill them.
Satire | Hinge hesitation and Bumble bumbles: Are they worth it?

Satire | Hinge hesitation and Bumble bumbles: Are they worth it?

By Alaina McCall, Senior Staff Columnist • October 3, 2024
Whether it’s Bumble, Hinge or nothing else — we’re talking dating apps here, not hooking up apps — I believe that there’s still hope for everyone to find the person they’re looking for. It just takes time.
Satire | Newly obtained Charlie Kirk diary entries reveal deep-seated inner turmoil

Satire | Newly obtained Charlie Kirk diary entries reveal deep-seated inner turmoil

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor • September 23, 2024
The book, titled “Charlie’s Treasures,” turned out to be a secret diary where Kirk recorded his innermost thoughts throughout the duration of his tour. While our organization respects the sanctity of bedazzled journals with a little heart clasp, we feel the student body at least has a right to the information written the day Kirk came to the University of Pittsburgh.
Izzy Poth | Staff Illustrator

Satire | Surviving studying abroad: Tips, tricks and tribulations

By Alaina McCall, Staff Columnist • September 19, 2024
OK, Mr. Moneybags. So you can afford studying abroad. Go off, king. Or, like me, you’ve got mad loans, so what’s just one more? So here’s my tried and tired and true method to not only survive your study abroad.
Satire | ‘He slept with my wife’: Students and faculty reflect on April Fools’ Day

Satire | ‘He slept with my wife’: Students and faculty reflect on April Fools’ Day

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor • April 2, 2024
With finals around the corner, students and staff alike welcomed a little fun with friends to take their minds off the stress of studying and grading. April Fools’ day, a time for japes and goofs with friends, gave the Pitt family a well-deserved break.
Halket Street in Oakland.

Satire | Pitt student loses mind after all his friends go home for summer

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor • June 6, 2023
Without schoolwork taking up their evenings, students can spend more free time with their friends — but what about those whose friends moved back home for the summer?
Humor | Top 10 favorite things about antidepressants

Humor | Top 10 favorite things about antidepressants

By Alex Dolinger, Senior Staff Columnist • April 8, 2021
SNRIs are the best thing that has ever happened to senior staff columnist Alex Dolinger.
Humor | Summer quarantine bucket list

Humor | Summer quarantine bucket list

By Alex Dolinger, Staff Columnist • April 19, 2020
Fear not, my friends, for I have gathered a list of activities that can still make this the summer of our dreams.
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