satire Archives - The Pitt News

Satire | I miss spring break Pitt

By Alaina McCall, Senior Staff Columnist • March 17, 2025

There are many upsides and many downsides to spring break, much like life. On the upside, we get a break from classes, granting us time to catch up on all the assignments we are severely behind on. Campus...

Satire | The best and worst Valentine’s Day spots at Pitt

By Alaina McCall, Senior Staff Columnist • February 12, 2025

As a senior at Pitt, I’ve been to almost every restaurant on or near Forbes. Some way too many times. As such, I am the leading expert on which restaurants will make your boo break up with you, and which...

Satire | Holiday Cheer, and so can you!

By Raquel Padin-Nicholas, Staff Columnist • November 19, 2024

Trust me, I understand how hard the results of this election season were. Still, nothing says out of sight, out of mind quite like the avalanche of holidays that are about to hit us.

Satire | Undecided voters having trouble choosing between Block of Wood and Baby Eater

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor • October 21, 2024

As the election draws near, many Pittsburgh voters are confident in their upcoming decision at the ballot box — but there is still a large sect of the population that can’t quite decide between their two options.

Satire | Why WVU is better than Pitt

By Camille de Jesus, Staff Writer • September 10, 2024

Love, gratitude and friendship. There aren’t three words that could better describe the undying relationship between West Virginia and Pittsburgh. With 129 years of history between the two schools,...

Satire | Pitt student loses mind after all his friends go home for summer

By Thomas Riley, Opinions Editor • June 7, 2023

Without schoolwork taking up their evenings, students can spend more free time with their friends — but what about those whose friends moved back home for the summer?

Satire | Climate change is going to kill Punxsutawney Phil

By Jessica Snyder, Senior Staff Columnist • February 6, 2023

It’s becoming harder and harder to put faith in our little Punxsutawney vermin. The period at the beginning of the year was often a transition from winter to spring, so most of his predictions weren’t too hard to believe. I’d even say that they were sometimes actually right. If this year’s prediction doesn’t completely disenfranchise Phil, he should at least get laid off until he proves he can provide accurate information.

Satire | First artificially intelligent student accepted to Carnegie Mellon School of Arts

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • January 20, 2023

An AI student at CMU and the ways that AI has impacted the world of art.

Satire | Ally to renters? This South Oakland landlord claims he’s ‘one of the good ones’

By Thomas Riley, Staff Columnist • November 15, 2022

As lowerclassmen begin the hunt for off-campus housing for the next school year, they may struggle to not only choose a place to rent, but also to choose a landlord. There are plenty of horror stories out there from past and current renters, but one local landlord says he’s trying to make a difference.

Satire | A diary entry from a fork in Towers

By Talia Spillerman, Senior Staff Writer • October 18, 2022

This is a satirical piece — no forks were harmed in the making of this article.