The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
The University of Pittsburgh's Daily Student Newspaper

The Pitt News
Satire | COVID-19 bros to avoid

Satire | COVID-19 bros to avoid

By Genna Edwards, Staff Columnist • April 2, 2020
If you’re searching for love during the COVID-19 pandemic (safely on apps, hopefully) here are some bros to avoid like, well, the plague. 
Taking a walk around your neighborhood is a good break when sitting at a desk or staying in bed all day.

April Fools Edition | Local mother takes walks to escape children

By Mary Rose O'Donnell, Contributing Editor • March 31, 2020
A local mother went on three neighborhood walks yesterday after her children got on her last nerves.
Many of us have been wearing nothing but sweatpants for two weeks.

April Fools Edition | Pitt student puts on “real” clothes for the first time in weeks

By Ashton Crawley, Senior Staff Writer • March 31, 2020
Pitt junior Joe Smith was running dangerously low on his quarantine snacks and knew it was time to venture outside.
Satire | Why Pitt’s housing carts don’t make sense

Satire | Why Pitt’s housing carts don’t make sense

By Alex Dolinger, Staff Columnist • March 26, 2020
These carts are sneaky and I do not care for it.
Satire | Shopping at Market District: Special coronavirus edition

Satire | Shopping at Market District: Special coronavirus edition

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • March 25, 2020
I must walk to the grocery store and get some things to sustain me.
Humor | Pittsburgh Port Authority Bus Alignment

Humor | Pittsburgh Port Authority Bus Alignment

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • February 28, 2020
Yes, buses have personalities. And yes, I’m only choosing a select few that have distinct vibes or that I have personal feelings about. Shut up. I’m tired and correct.
Satire | Valentines Horoscopes

Satire | Valentines Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • February 13, 2020
Mercury is in retrograde and love is hard. That’s all. That’s it. Let’s look to the stars to understand our weird human emotions on this weird human emotions day.
Pitt men’s basketball has repaired Pitt fans’ relationship with our athletic teams.

Pitt sports teams as past partners

By Stephen Thompson, Assistant Sports Editor • February 13, 2020
What if Pitt's athletes personified the teams they play for? Well, you might be in for the same disappointment felt as a fan.
Opinion | My top 10 Tinder messages: cringey, creative and comical

Opinion | My top 10 Tinder messages: cringey, creative and comical

By Sarah Connor, Contributing Editor • February 12, 2020
All messages are 100% real and from my own personal Tinder interactions.
Satire | Sleeping around — what different majors are like in bed

Satire | Sleeping around — what different majors are like in bed

By Paige Lawler, Senior Staff Columnist • February 12, 2020
Before you hop into bed with anybody new, consult this list to see if they’re even worth your time.
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