satire Archives - Page 7 of 9

What to do in the fall if you hate football

By Delilah Bourque and Sarah Connor, Contributing Editors • September 18, 2019

For some, the air cooling and people pulling their fall wardrobes out of storage can only mean one thing — football season. For the rest of us, the best we can do is try to make the most of our Sundays until February rolls around. Here are some of the best ways to spend your fall if you’re not a football fan.

Satire | LinkedIn Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • September 11, 2019

Here are some tips, directly from the stars, to help you optimize your LinkedIn experience.

Satire | Movies to watch on a first date

By Genna Edwards, For The Pitt News • September 5, 2019

I’ve compiled a selection of films that will clue you in to whether or not your date is a misogynist. He may not think you deserve the right to vote, but how can you figure that out without asking him outright?

Editorial: Top 10 ways to save the Earth

By The Pitt News Editorial Board • September 5, 2019

Here are 10 things you can do right now to save the earth.

Satire | Back to school horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • August 29, 2019

Look to the stars for some answers, because Kevin in the second-to-last row of your biology lecture sure isn’t going to provide any insight.

Opinion | Pitt News opinions desk family newsletter

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • August 21, 2019

It’s been a busy summer for The Pitt News opinions desk, but all that hustling and bustling must feather out as August approaches and we start our preparations for the fast-approaching school year.

Satire | 5 classic novels to take to the beach this summer

By Leah Mensch, Opinions Editor • July 16, 2019

The Goodreads Popular Beach Read Books ranking has gone live, and there is only one thing to do with this list. Print it out, crumple it in a ball and recycle it.

Satire | Summer: The Flaming Oakland Trash Pile of Seasons

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • July 16, 2019

If I took anything from the hot second I spent in Physics 1 before withdrawing, it’s that what goes up must come down. I believe this law must also apply to weather. Therefore, what must be cold will eventually become hot. And hot it has become.

Satire | Residence Hall Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • June 29, 2019

Just like you, each of Pitt’s residence halls has its own distinct character.

Opinion | June Horoscopes

By Allison Dantinne, Senior Staff Columnist • June 18, 2019

Summer is upon us. The weather becomes hot. The air becomes sticky. The Geminis finally crawl back into the wretched pits from whence we came. There is a sense of calm. Check your horoscope to see what else the stars have in store for you this Cancer season.